Some people think the the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, instead of benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that the main goal of schools is to nurture kids as citizens and workers, taking benefits from them as individuals
instead
.
Although
children are educated well or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have good academic achievements for their work or studies, young people choose to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a stable and boring
life
, since they want to be good workers in society. On the one hand, choosing a
life
that is
all about only going to work and spending the whole
time
as an employee somewhere is just meaningless and boring, because human beings naturally have many curiosities for some activities or hobbies, and everyone has their own missions in the entire
life
. To be more clear, studying in schools and colleges for many years to get a job somewhere,
then
going to work six days a week, having only one day off, and paying back credits to the bank for ten or fifteen years is terrifying,
then
people could not manage
time
for relaxing or improving as a free person by taking
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
and sharing experiences in a whole lifetime.
As a consequence
, that kind of stable lifetime might cause self-regret, if they cannot achieve anything, and only try to make money.
On the other hand
, being all teenagers educated, and spending their
time
learning and studying could be a true way,
instead
of wasting
time
in a sedentary
life
or committing crimes in adolescence period.
For instance
, a youngster steals something or is addicted to video games, since he or she does not have a good lifestyle like not learning languages or skills.
As a result
, it is good that spending years in education might be correct, because of having possibility that children could be specialists or scientists in their majors or professions.
To sum up
, I agree with the statement that schools' main aim is to create good and skilled employees and citizens in society.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure and stronger logical connections between ideas. Consider using transition phrases to link paragraphs and sections effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, give concrete instances or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid repetition in your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph presents a unique point or perspective that adds value to the overall argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and gives a balanced view on the topic. You've effectively discussed both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!