Some people think the the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, instead of benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some believe that the main goal of schools is to nurture kids as citizens and workers, taking benefits from them as individuals

instead

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Although

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children are educated well or

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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have good academic achievements for their work or studies, young people choose to live

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apply

show examples

a stable and boring

life

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, since they want to be good workers in society. On the one hand, choosing a

life

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that is

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all about only going to work and spending the whole

time

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as an employee somewhere is just meaningless and boring, because human beings naturally have many curiosities for some activities or hobbies, and everyone has their own missions in the entire

life

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. To be more clear, studying in schools and colleges for many years to get a job somewhere,

then

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going to work six days a week, having only one day off, and paying back credits to the bank for ten or fifteen years is terrifying,

then

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people could not manage

time

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for relaxing or improving as a free person by taking

advices

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advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

show examples

and sharing experiences in a whole lifetime.

As a consequence

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, that kind of stable lifetime might cause self-regret, if they cannot achieve anything, and only try to make money.

On the other hand

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, being all teenagers educated, and spending their

time

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learning and studying could be a true way,

instead

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of wasting

time

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in a sedentary

life

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or committing crimes in adolescence period.

For instance

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, a youngster steals something or is addicted to video games, since he or she does not have a good lifestyle like not learning languages or skills.

As a result

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, it is good that spending years in education might be correct, because of having possibility that children could be specialists or scientists in their majors or professions.

To sum up

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, I agree with the statement that schools' main aim is to create good and skilled employees and citizens in society.

makemoneyizzy16Thu Jun 20 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure and stronger logical connections between ideas. Consider using transition phrases to link paragraphs and sections effectively.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, give concrete instances or evidence to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Avoid repetition in your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph presents a unique point or perspective that adds value to the overall argument.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt and gives a balanced view on the topic. You've effectively discussed both sides of the argument.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

citizenship
workforce readiness
individual development
talents and passions
responsible citizens
emotional intelligence
personal well-being
personal growth
functioning democracy
mental health
personal happiness
dual role
neglect
engaged citizens
nurturing
balance

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Some people think the the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, instead of benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

An overseas friend wants to visit your country on holiday. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter Recommend the best time of year to visit and why Describe the types of accommodation your friend could choose Say what you would like to show your friend in your country

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. discuss both views and give your opinion.