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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

Society has undergone many changes, and that includes
marriage
Use synonyms
. Ten years ago,
women
Use synonyms
 married because of the financial
security
Use synonyms
 that
marriage
Use synonyms
 can bring. Nowadays, there are different reasons that
women
Use synonyms
 do not feel that important to get married. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide evidence to support my opinion. I completely agree that
women
Use synonyms
 no longer feel the need to get married.
First,
Linking Words
they look for higher education. Some
women
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 want to be doctors or engineers, and they need many years to study. They spend their full time studying and doing research.
Second,
Linking Words
they believe that they need to be strong, independent
women
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. Specifically, at the job, they work hard to get high positions
such
Linking Words
 as judges or managers.
Also
Linking Words
, some of them have their own business.
Finally
Linking Words
, they want to have a healthy life. They focus on their food to have a strong body.
Also
Linking Words
, for mental health, they are doing sports and travelling.
However
Linking Words
, I do not agree that they require the financial
security
Use synonyms
 that
marriage
Use synonyms
 can bring.
Marriage
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 is a shared life for both men and
women
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, they share the responsibility to have a healthier life. From old times until now, men have been the ones who give financial
security
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
women
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 bring family warmth and emotional
security
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.
Marriage
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 can operate like a small company. Two employees who have a clear plan for their lives can guide them to reach their goals. They will support each other in sadness and happiness. In a healthy
marriage
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, the partners grow together. They try, learn, and succeed as a team. They don’t fight against each other
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they fight for each other. In conclusion, it is clear to see that
women
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 no longer feel pressured to get married.
However
Linking Words
,if and when a woman decides to get married, financial
security
Use synonyms
 is not the main reason why
women
Use synonyms
 today would decide to get married.

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structure
The essay has a clear structure with a start, body and end.
content
Examples are used to show why women may not need marriage.
coherence
Some good linking words are used.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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