Many people realize that people living in the 21st century generally have a better quality of lives than people born in earlier centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With advanced technology,
today
society leads Change noun form
today's
life
with many advantages compared to older ages. In my opinion, despite there are many positive things the world offers, there are still significant downsides that can’t be ignored as the consequences of gained benefits.
On one hand, the 21st century has witnessed the outstanding development of the healthcare industry. The life
span of humans has extended from many breakthroughs in medical science. For instance
, the average life
span of a Vietnamese only was 30-40 years old in the 18th century, while
it is 70-80 for today
population. Change noun form
today's
Additionally
, technology allows us to have access to various knowledge, connect to people around the globe, and is conveniently fast for us to spend less time in certain aspects, such
as online banking, communicating, etc.
On the other hand
, the convenience of this
age brings us numerous disadvantages. Humans get used to the fact that they can have anything just by the verge of their fingertips, and it takes away the excitement, as well as
the motivation, and the patience to wait, which can lead to serious mental issues, for example
, depression and anxiety. Out of 4 Americans, there is at least one who has to deal with mental illness. Besides
that, unlimited and easy access to unhealthy food can cause obesity, which is a common disease for the population.
In conclusion, I partly agree with the statement “People live a better quality life
than in the past decades”, but there are also
drawbacks as the consequence of the advantages of what we earn.Submitted by aksoysana on
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introduction and conclusion
Expand on the conclusion to leave a stronger final impression. Consider summarizing the main points briefly before restating your stance.
logical structure
Some sentences could be more concise, and minor grammatical errors could be corrected. For example, 'despite there are many positive things' should be 'despite the many positive things'. Additionally, 'today population' should be 'today's population'.
supported main points and ideas
While you provided relevant examples such as improvements in the healthcare industry, adding more specific statistics and studies could make your points stronger. For instance, mentioning specific technologies or treatments that have extended lifespans could provide more weight to your argument.
complete response and supported ideas
The essay covers both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view. This is commendable as it shows critical thinking.
logical structure and cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences, making it easy to follow the flow of ideas.
relevant examples
You have provided relevant examples like the life span comparison and the prevalence of mental health issues in America, which are effective in supporting your points.
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