Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge. To what extent is this a positive or a negative development?
In today’s society, modern
technologies
are used for various aspects of life. This
includes the use
of modern technologies
for entertainment. However
, some internet degenerates use
the technologies
to install music
and books from the internet without any fees. To them, there are not any negative downsides, but soon this
phenomenon can result in a negative development.
The most obvious thing is that downloading copyrighted music
and books is illegal and can lead to criminal charges. The reason some music
and books are copyrighted because
the artists do not want Add a missing verb
is because
people
to use
their products as creative commons and only give the rights of use
to cooperates or people
who pay for them. When listeners download copyrighted music
without fees or permission, it can lead to lawsuits, which can make people
go to jail. A good example was when 12 individuals got sued by Apple Music
for downloading copyrighted music
illegally and uploading it on various platforms. As a result
, 10 out of 12 people
went to jail.
Another downside to point out is that as more and more people
abuse technologies
to download music
illegally, producers
and Change noun form
producers'
producer's
artists’s
incomes will be reduced. Since Remove the s
artists’
people
can download copyrighted music
and arts
without paying any fees, Fix the agreement mistake
art
people
are going to prefer the alternative options over the official ways because the alternatives are free. When more people
use
the alternatives, producers’s incomes will decrease and soon they may need to quit their job
. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Moreover
as the phenomenon continues, fewer artists will be around and the entertainment media will soon wither away.
Add a comma
Moreover,
Overall
, downloading illegal music
is not that dangerous now. However
, in the future
it could be a killing Add a comma
future,
sources
Correct the article-noun agreement
source
to
entertainment.Change preposition
of
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction could be clearer in setting out both sides of the argument before presenting your stance. This can help the reader understand the essay's direction from the onset.
task achievement
Be careful with certain expressions like 'internet degenerates.' It may come across as judgmental or overly harsh. More neutral language can often be more effective in an academic essay.
task achievement
Try to include more specific, varied examples to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on the conclusion to make a stronger summary of your points and restating the main thesis in a compelling way.
task achievement
Your essay stays focused on the topic and addresses the prompt directly, discussing both the legal and economic impacts of illegally downloading music and books.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized with clear paragraphs for each point, which aids in readability.
task achievement
The use of a real-world example, such as the Apple Music lawsuit, enhances the credibility of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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