In all over the world, obesity is a growing problem among both adults and children. Why is this happening? And what can be done to solve?
Obesity has been a growing phenomenon in many societies across the world, and it negatively impacts
on
adults and kids. Since inactive behaviour is leading to being overweight among youngsters, I believe it can be solved by governmental Change preposition
apply
activities
.
Adults and young people
are struggling with obesity issues in the world, and a sedentary lifestyle might be the main one among some possible reasons. To be more clear, the sedentary lifestyle which people
do not do any physical activities
or
do not study anywhere, and just stay at home. Correct word choice
apply
For instance
, a person mostly spends time at home and does some activities
, such
as playing video games, watching movies, and eating so much amount of foods that are fattening, for a long time. As a result
, mature and immature people
have been gaining so much weight and becoming fat.
Furthermore
, everyone wants to be healthier and thinner, and there are some achievable ways to handle this
problem globally. For instance
, the government must organize national running marathons for everyone, and they should give different prizes and gifts to people
's win and are active. As a consequence
, people
motivate themselves to get valuable awards by running a
long Correct article usage
apply
distance
like tens of kilometres. Fix the agreement mistake
distances
In addition
, specialists teach and guide people
to a healthier life by giving some information on a television programme, so when they realize and know what is beneficial or not, they can change themselves efficiently.
In conclusion, while
overweight issues are common among both grown-up and middle-aged people
because of a lack of physical activities
, it
can be prevented by local authorities.Correct pronoun usage
they
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary the sentence structures and avoid repetition of the same phrases. It might improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
Be cautious of minor grammar and vocabulary errors. Phrasing such as 'inactive behaviour is leading to being overweight' could be more smoothly stated as 'a sedentary lifestyle is leading to obesity'.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the problem and offers a solution, setting a good stage for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
You offer relevant examples and potential solutions to the problem of obesity, which add substantial support to your argument.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...