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Band 8

The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#youth #countries #time #services #people #service
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Around the globe, young people are unemployed
as well as
 untrained for anything in life.
Additionally
, the army is in need of individuals, it is
then
 believed that the youth should have compulsory military service. I firmly do not support
this
 view since the standards of
this
 institution do not always correspond with those of younger generations and the event would probably traumatize them. The army has a specific set of values
such
 as respect, nationalism and
also
 the idea of following orders without questioning them.
Furthermore
, these sentiments do not always correspond with those of a young human.
As a consequence
, the juvenile person will not appreciate the fact of being in the army.
For instance
, there were important riots in Morroco in 2023
due to
 the installation of a mandatory service, which had standards that did not align with the Morrocan youth.
This
 created terrible protests, but we can conclude that the military is not meant for everyone if it does not correspond with the way youngsters think. It is
also
 thought that the experience of military training can traumatize any person.
Moreover
, the values of
this
 particular sector are
also
 meant to be able to abuse any subordinate causing the possibility to abuse them. Compulsory training will only traumatize the individual without allowing them to develop any skill.
For example
, the scandal on the US junior navy, published by the New York Times in 2012, showed that almost 70% of them were abused in the training camps. In
this
 percentage, 30% of the ones that answered expressed that the abusive events in question would scar them for life and, in 40% of the cases, they feel that they will not be able to move on from these traumatic experiences.
This
 makes them unable to find a proper job in the future.
To conclude
, I wholeheartedly believe that mandatory military service would not be good because the sentiments are not always shared by the youth
as well as
 the training has a traumatizing effect on most of the forced subordinates.
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Task Achievement
Ensure there is a clear position throughout the essay. It is evident that you disagree with compulsory military service, however, make sure to explore both sides of the argument more evenly for a balanced approach.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider including a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and coherence. Varied language use can make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Though you provided examples to support your arguments, ensure that these examples are more universally recognizable or explain them in a way that they're clearly understood by an international audience.
Task Achievement and Coherence & Cohesion
You established a clear thesis statement and argued your position effectively with relevant examples and arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in the logical flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
You engaged critically with the topic, providing insightful critiques of compulsory military service that align with your thesis.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Unemployed
  • Unskilled
  • Discipline
  • National pride
  • Civic duty
  • Enlistment
  • Conscription
  • Cohesive society
  • Civilian life
  • Government resources
  • Ethical concerns
  • Forced enlistment
  • Individual freedoms
  • Psychological effects
  • Personal beliefs
  • Societal tensions
  • Career disruption
  • National security
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