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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

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Peer
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pressure
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 refers to the influence young people experience within the same age group, affecting their behaviours. In my opinion, cohorts do have more positive impact than negative on adolescents and young adults. On one hand,
peer
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pressure
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 often leads the young to engage in risky behaviours.
For instance
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, teenagers may feel compelled to experiment with drugs
due to
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 the effect of their peers who engage in
such
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 activities. The desire to fit in and be accepted can override their better judgment, exposing them to serious short-term health risks and potential addiction later in life.
Moreover
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, succumbing to negative
peer
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pressure
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 can adversely affect academic performance, as students may prioritize social acceptance over their studies.
This
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 desire for approval can result in poor grades, limited educational opportunities, and long-term negative consequences.
On the other hand
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, positive
peer
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pressure
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 can inspire adolescents to set higher goals, adopt healthier habits, and strive for academic excellence. Many teenagers are pressured by their peers to join a study group, leading to improved learning outcomes and academic success. Relatedly, supportive friends can inspire young adults to engage in physical fitness activities or pursue positive hobbies and talents, promoting a healthier and more well-rounded lifestyle.
This
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 sense of camaraderie and mutual encouragement fostered within positive groups can contribute significantly to personal growth and self-confidence. Actively seeking out positive and active cohorts and engaging in activities aligned with one’s personal values can help mitigate the adverse effects of negative
peer
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pressure
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while
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 harnessing the advantages of positive influence. In conclusion,
although
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 peers can encourage risky behaviours and hinder personal growth, the motivational and emotional advantages make
this
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pressure
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 a positive phenomenon on the whole. Ultimately, striking some degree of balance between independence and positive
peer
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 interactions is crucial to minimizing the disadvantages and embracing the benefits.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to promote clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate transitional phrases to smoothly navigate between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralization; support your points with specific examples or empirical evidence where possible.
task achievement
Consider exploring a broader range of perspectives to enrich your argument and provide a more comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
Your essay effectively sets up a balanced view on the topic, showcasing an understanding of both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your structure is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
You have successfully provided relevant examples to support your main points, which helps in illustrating your argument vividly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behavior
  • age group
  • peer pressure
  • distinct
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • motivate
  • excel
  • positive behaviors
  • substance abuse
  • bullying
  • risky activities
  • belonging
  • acceptance
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem
  • conform
  • individuality
  • personal growth
  • decision-making skills
  • situations
  • resist
  • healthy balance
  • personal development
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