IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Since time immemorial, interactions, either competitive or cooperative, between people in different areas of
life
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 have been an inevitable issue.
However
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, whether
competition
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 in every part of
life
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 is beneficial is a debatable issue. Personally, I am of the opinion that being competitive in different spheres of
life
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 can bring about more advantages rather than being just cooperative. Being competitive in different aspects has much value in various ways. To commence with,
Competition
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 is an indispensable factor when it comes to enhancement of the performance.
In other words
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, individuals who encounter a competitive atmosphere in their workplace or school have to develop their range of knowledge and abilities in order to achieve promotion. To exemplify, if one’s peers strive to achieve A grade in their exams, one will try hard to follow in their footsteps.
As a result
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, his efforts will probably come to fruition
due to
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 competing in a positive way.
Moreover
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, a competitive atmosphere in the workplace can trigger employees to obtain better job positions and salaries. To clarify, monetary
competition
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 is one of the leading factors for employees to expand their performances, skills, and horizons to gain a decent salary.
In contrast
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, opponents assert that developing a sense of cooperation will strengthen the team spirit. They claim that working and studying collectively and improving the sense of sympathy not only can result in great teamwork
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 serves as a deterrent to the sense of jealousy.
Nevertheless
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, people can learn to keep the
competition
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 positive in tone and exploit that in the way of promotion and progress. The bottom line,
although
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competition
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 in various aspects of
life
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 may pose some drawbacks, it can considerably result in immense advantages, including promotion.
Hence
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, I am firmly convinced that positive
competition
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 is of
the
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apply
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significance for human
life
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.
Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on

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task achievement
While the essay largely addresses the task, aim to enhance your argument by using a broader range of examples and elaborating more on certain points. For example, you could delve deeper into how competition might manifest in everyday scenarios beyond just work and education.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with transitions between paragraphs to ensure that each idea flows smoothly to the next one. For instance, use more transitional phrases to better connect contrasting views and your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent register and refine the conclusion. The phrase 'The bottom line' is slightly informal compared to 'In conclusion,' which would better suit the overall tone of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is strong, as it effectively sets up the discussion and clearly states your position on the issue.
task achievement
You make a good use of specific examples, especially when discussing competition in the workplace and academic settings.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a balance in discussing both sides of the argument before clearly presenting your own opinion, which is effectively reinforced in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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