At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, in most
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
there are a higher population of young people in comparison with the elderly.
While
Linking Words
there are some drawbacks associated with having with young population, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage of having a vast number of young
individuals
Use synonyms
in a society may be not having sufficient experience to undertake important responsibilities. Each country needs to have experienced
individuals
Use synonyms
to achieve great success.
For instance
Linking Words
, developed countries
such
Linking Words
as China and the USA are managed by older people with higher knowledge who can have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
attitude towards the country’s problems.
As a result
Linking Words
, having physical stamina is not the only factor
to run
Change preposition
in running
show examples
a country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some factors to prove that a youthful society is more successful in relation to many aspects. From an educational perspective, academic education is a decisive factor in society’s success.
For example
Linking Words
, there are a lot of young scientists and founders who could change the world like Elon Musk, and Maryam Mirza Khani.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
are able to search on other planets or make new and modern buildings with more information in mathematics.
Also
Linking Words
, young people are more able to protect the generation with expanded descendants.
For instance
Linking Words
, research findings confirm that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
young
individuals
Use synonyms
are able to have more healthy children compared with the elderly. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
the elderly have some duties in each nation without the young generation society finds it difficult to develop.
Thus
Linking Words
younger play a vital role in the area’s success.
Submitted by www.marzieh.eidi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and fully develops it, potentially with a clearer topic sentence.
task achievement
Polish your examples to make them more specific and directly relevant to the points being made. This will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on sentence variety and avoiding repetition to make your essay more engaging and polished.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and states your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
You have provided relevant reasons and examples to support your opinion, which strengthens your argument overall.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic composition
  • economic dynamism
  • dependency ratio
  • social services
  • pension systems
  • technological adeptness
  • innovative workforce
  • national savings
  • educational demand
  • employment opportunities
  • crime rates
  • economic disparity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: