IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for every fast train between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, one of the most crucial topics is the transportation
system
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 because its appropriate development is required to guarantee the quality of life for humans. Some governments argue that betterments should be made in order to enhance their systems.
Nevertheless
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, many others believe the entire
system
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 has to be rebuilt. I partially agree with both statements
,
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apply
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 and in
this
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 essay, I will explain my reasons in detail. To start with, the evaluation of the transportation
system
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 should be performed individually, taking into account the specific characteristics of each city
as well as
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 the requirements of the population.
Although
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 most systems have been criticized, there are many countries where public transport has shown high performances with eco-friendly buses and trains
as well as
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 safety.
For instance
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, the subway in New York is renowned because of its untidy buildings and outdated trains.
Nonetheless
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, every day, hundreds of people commute by train, arriving home quickly and safely.
Therefore
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, the high performances outweigh the downsides related to the buildings.
Consequently
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, The City Council has signed some agreements to improve the cleanliness.
On the other hand
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, most developing countries have no well-structured systems of transportation.
As a consequence
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 of
this
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, dwellers have to spend hours commuting owing to the traffic, especially during rush time.
For instance
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, despite having 'The Transmilenio' in Bogota, most people require more than an hour for commuting.
Besides
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, there is no security,
thus
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, dozens of thefts are committed daily.
Therefore
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, the government has spent millions of dollars on designing a new
system
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 given by a subway. Currently, many contracts have been signed with China in order to start the construction in 2026.
To sum up
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, the individual features of the cities and the public transport have to be carefully evaluated in order to establish if the
system
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 needs few improvements or requires to be re-built.

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, aim to present your ideas and arguments in a slightly more structured way. For instance, clearly state the topic and your opinion in the introduction and provide a clear summary of your arguments in the conclusion.
task achievement
Although the essay addresses both views aptly, try to elaborate more on how one view outweighs the other in your opinion. This would provide greater clarity and depth to your response.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more precise examples and some additional details to support your arguments. This will help to create a more convincing narrative.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, flowing logically from one point to another.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the New York subway and Bogota's Transmilenio, effectively illustrates the points made.
coherence cohesion
The language used is clear and the ideas are communicated effectively, making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments.
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