Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Kids waste time every day mostly on their mobile phones. The reasons why

this

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phenomenon happens are that they use it either for amusement or learning medium. I am inclined to a positive development for

this

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case, here are some of my outlines.

Firstly

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, smartphones can be used for learning mediums

such

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as problem-solving games. In general, either Android or IOS includes some brain exercise games that can enhance brain capability

while

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solving some problems in real life particularly mathematical problems.

For instance

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, I use a game on my phone for my nephew about mental maths,

then

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that game provides how to calculate some multiplication from basic to advanced level in an interesting way. Through monthly training, she shows great skill

while

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counting many kinds of mixed calculations.

Instead

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of studying, the utilizing of the gadget

also

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can be a pleasant tool to engage children's attention. Sometimes to get their attention, parents must be creative to attract them like using smartphones for casual activities

such

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as spending time together on weekends. Parents can use it to help their children be more active with them.

For example

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, when I was 12 years old my parents assigned me a mystery puzzle on their tablet,

then

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I had to solve the problems in groups with my family. Indirectly, that activity makes us as a family become more intimate and bonded creatively. In conclusion, learning and amusement mediums are the reasons why I tend to positive impact of gadgets on children. Folks must consider thoughtfully the two sides effects of phone utilization depending on which one prefers and long-term purpose.

damayanti.nsdFri Jun 21 2024

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task achievement

Your main points are clear and relevant, but some ideas could be developed further for a more comprehensive response. Try to elaborate more on the reasons why smartphone use is positive or negative for children.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is generally well-organized, some transitions between ideas could be made smoother. Try to use a wider range of linking phrases to improve the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in presenting your argument effectively.

task achievement

You provided relevant and specific examples, which strengthen your argument and demonstrate your ability to support main points effectively.

9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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