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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyles of children are different from those of the previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In the contemporary world, the way
children
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 live and eat has totally changed. Some people consider
this
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 a problem that has a negative effect on
children
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’s general health. I totally agree with
this
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 notion.
While
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 there are limited advantages in today's
children
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's lifestyle, the drawbacks outweigh its benefits. First of all, nowadays, many
children
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 suffer from obesity. The research showed that in today’s world, many
children
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 tend to consume fast foods,
while
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 in the previous generations, fast foods were not so popular among
children
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, especially students.
While
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 these types of food are high calorie,
children
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 should be more active than their past generation peers;
however
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, it is the opposite;
children
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 before have the ability to play 3 to 5 sports,
while
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 these days,
children
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 can how to play zero to one sport.
Secondly
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, unfortunately,
children
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’s lifestyles have totally changed
due to
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 the rapid growth of technology and overpopulation.
For instance
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, in the old days,
children
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 lived in the countryside; nowadays, many
children
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 live in urban areas. By looking at the research, we could infer that many diseases related to the brain, like mental illness and depression, are
coupled with
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 living in the city. Another notion about the
children
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's lifestyle worth mentioning is their activities. In the past,
children
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's activities were active, like playing football in the street or other active sports.
However
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, these days,
children
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 like to do more passive activities, like playing online games with their peers, or chatting with their friends. I lived in a village for 12 years, and I remember vividly that I used to play outside with my friends every day. In conclusion, I believe that the lifestyle and eating habits of modern-day
children
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 have a lot of negative sides that could affect both their physical and mental health.

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task achievement
To elevate your essay further, consider providing more specific data or references to support your claims. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
You could improve the essay by ensuring that each paragraph is equally developed with supporting arguments and examples to maintain a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the reader's understanding and flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument and presents a clear thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay addresses all parts of the task, arguing convincingly that modern children’s lifestyles and eating habits are detrimental to their health.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from your personal experience, which adds credibility to your arguments.
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