IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Working long hours causes a great deal of stress and can be very bad for the health. The government must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Longer working phases lead
people
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 to struggle with depression
as well as
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health
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 problems.
Although
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 individuals could deal with these issues by approaching some ways, the main responsibility stays on the
government
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's principles. Working too many
hours
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 a day will be detrimental to
people
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's
health
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.
Consequently
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, some categories of diseases can affect employees' productivity at their workshops.
For instance
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, Chinese workers have been complaining about their work
hours
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 and salaries.
That is
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 to say, a lower wage and a significant amount of time working on a day cause a lot of stress and a lower desire for work.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 has to release suitable rules for employers in order to maintain productivity during the working period. Even though the
government
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 is able to assist a little bit, in some circumstances
people
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 could find the solution by themselves. Owing to
this
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, one of the pivotal necessities is their
health
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 ,so they need to solve
this
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 problem by themselves and it is substantial having a balanced life.
In addition
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, employers are entitled to regulate their working
hours
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 by dealing with their company directors or someone else who could support them with that case.
For example
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, some citizens in Belgium ,replaced their working premises with either personal and mini businesses or work which is suitable for them.
Thus
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, in some cases,
people
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 need to alter their placement
as a result
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 of unsuitable working
hours
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, especially regarding their
health
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, which was caused by a great deal of irritation. In conclusion, employers might change or arrange with their bosses. In some situations, the
government
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's legislation would be the finest way to act. I completely agree that the
government
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 can force them to change their working
hours
Use synonyms

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points of the argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph transitions to make the essay flow better from one idea to another.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
Overall, the essay responds well to the task and presents clear and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
The argument made regarding government responsibility and individual actions is relevant and engaging.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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