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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the main enviromental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
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Two groups of people have different opinions about the main reason for environmental problems at present. One group mentioned that the major reason is the loss of specific species of plants and animals. Another group pointed out that there are more vital environmental issues these days.
To begin
 with, the theory of the loss of particular species is considerable.
This
 is the consequence of changing the life cycle of plants and animals in some regions and the ecosystem is going to be influenced by
this
. If we refer to the prehistoric time, nature was under variations dramatically.
Nevertheless
, the science proved that the natural habitats have become agile. Naturally, changing generations can change every situation but it does not hurt the ecosystem. In my point of view, the important effect is
due to
 human activities. Actually, in recent centuries, we have seen many destructions done by mankind from the invention steam engine to the atomic bomb. One of the side effects is the air pollution. With the appearance of industrialization, many factories started manufacturing to improve the industry around the globe. But the result was not beneficial at all.
Additionally
, By expanding cities and growing the population, people began to cut the trees which resulted in deforestation.
Furthermore
, Global warming, water pollution, noise pollution, electronic disposal, poisonous trash, and other distractions are other effects throughout these periods. In conclusion, some individuals claim that losing particular species of plant and animals is the main point but other people believe that environmental problems have many reasons more than
this
 issue. It is better to make a list and find proper solutions for them.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question fully by providing balanced arguments for both views. Additionally, incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence, ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This helps in making your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure of your essay by elaborating on each point more thoroughly and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument well.
complete response
The essay addresses both views on the topic, showing an understanding of the different perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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