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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, teenagers have part-time jobs while they are still at school. What benefits does this bring for the teenager? Are there any drawbacks?

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Introduction
Adults are working part-
time
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 jobs and pursuing their education simultaneously.
This
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 can be seen in some parts of the world. Despite, leaving teenagers to a minimum amount of
time
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 to unwind themselves, they can learn essential money-saving skills and become better at
time
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 management and work ethics.
Body paragraph 1
There are numerous advantages for adolescents who are working less than 20
hours
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 per week
while
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 studying at
school
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 helps them to develop a key quality to save money by knowing its value, which in turn they become good at by acquiring
this
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 skill and using it at a later stage of their lives.
For example
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, I was able to save for tuition fees by functioning as a Starbucks barista during my
school
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time
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.
Secondly
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, performing
such
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 duties allows one to adapt to the work culture, thereby enhancing their knowledge to learn and behave well in a professional environment.
In addition
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, it teaches them to be punctual and value their
time
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 by trying to be productive.
For instance
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, I was able to manage my
time
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 better between assignment completion, exam preparation, and doing a part-
time
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 job.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, there is a drawback to trying to manage the
school
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 and working even for a few
hours
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 a day. Having part-
time
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 jobs consumes the remaining
hours
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 of a day for teenagers after
school
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,
while
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 they are left with only a few
hours
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 to finish their homework before going to bed.
Thus
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, they have no
time
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 for relaxation and get stressed out, especially on working days.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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 adults are not able to engage themselves for entertainment during weekdays, they are able to master a vital skill called financial savings and learn to be better at effective
time
Use synonyms
 management and work ethics. I would argue that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction that presents the topic, followed by body paragraphs that each contain a single main idea supported by relevant examples. The conclusion should summarise the key points and restate your position, rather than introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher band score in coherence and cohesion, transition words and phrases should be used effectively to link ideas and paragraphs together. Ensure your essay progresses logically and that your paragraphs are well-developed with a clear central topic.
Task Achievement
Regarding task achievement, ensure you are fully addressing all parts of the task. Your response should cover both the benefits and drawbacks of teenagers having part-time jobs clearly, with examples to support each point. Develop your main ideas thoroughly and avoid contradictions to achieve a higher band score.
Task Achievement
To improve the clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas, make sure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and is developed with specific examples and explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
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