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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. TASK 1

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. TASK 1
#process #sugar #cane
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The diagram depicts the stages of how
sugar
Use synonyms
 was produced by using
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, The process of carbohydrates consists of seven various steps
began
Wrong verb form
beginning
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 with growth, harvesting, crushing and drying and
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
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by
Change preposition
with
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 producing
eatable
Correct article usage
an eatable
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 form. The complete
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Change the noun form
cane
show examples
 growth cultivation takes around 12-18 months which is
then
Linking Words
 harvested with the help of farmers or cutting mechanical machines. The main difference between these two kinds
were
Wrong verb form
is that
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 humans
harvesting
Wrong verb form
harvest
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 by cutting leaves first followed by canes from
root
Correct article usage
the root
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whereas
Linking Words
 machines
cutdown
Correct your spelling
down
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 as a whole and remove the leaves with advanced technology.
Next,
Linking Words
all the canes
under
Correct your spelling
undergo
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 goes crushing process in the mill which converts
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 into juice.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it
Linking Words
then
Add a missing verb
is then
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 purified by the limestone filter. Again, transferred into
evaporator
Correct article usage
an evaporator
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 for
boiling
Correct article usage
the boiling
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 process under high flamed heat where it changed as syrup.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the centrifuge separates crystals from syrup with
high-speed
Correct article usage
a high-speed
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 spinner wheel and
finally
Linking Words
send
Correct subject-verb agreement
sends
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 it for drying and cooling to get edible
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kiruthikakannan.pid on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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