IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

It is no longer necessary that animals should be slaughtered and made into either human foodstuffs or non-foodstuffs, such as fur and medicine. Do you agree or disagree?

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Recently the idea suggested that killing and consuming animal-sourced
products
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 is no longer necessary. In my opinion, I'm completely against
such
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 a proposal and the grounds leading to my perception shall be discussed in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, throughout the history of humanity, the act of hunting
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 to serve human demands has never been considered unnecessary, as the materials it provides can be applied in numerous fields.
For instance
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, the main reason why we kill
animals
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 is that we need to feed ourselves. Animal
products
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such
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 as meat, fish, and dairy have been staple sources of nutrition for centuries, providing essential nutrients like protein, iron, and omega-3 fatty acids, which are difficult to obtain in sufficient amounts from plant-based
alternatives
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 alone.
Additionally
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, animal
products
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 are deeply ingrained in cultural cuisines and traditions across the globe, making them not only a source of sustenance but
also
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 a significant part of human identity and heritage.
Moreover
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,
animals
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 are used in the production of non-food items that play a critical role in daily life.
For example
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, leather and fur are widely utilized in the fashion industry, offering durability and warmth that synthetic materials often fail to match.
Similarly
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, certain medicines derived from
animals
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,
such
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 as insulin from pigs or horseshoe crab blood used in vaccine safety testing, have proven indispensable in medical science.
While
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alternatives
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 are being developed, they are not always as effective, accessible, or affordable as their animal-derived counterparts. In conclusion,
although
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alternatives
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 to animal-sourced
products
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 are emerging, the necessity of
animals
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 in fulfilling human needs for both food and non-food items remains evident. Until these
alternatives
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 can fully match the nutritional, cultural, and practical value of animal
products
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 on a global scale, the practice of utilizing
animals
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 for human benefit should not be deemed unnecessary.

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task achievement
Consider providing counterarguments to show a balanced view, even if you eventually disagree.
coherence cohesion
Maintain the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, which enhances the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with each paragraph serving a distinct purpose, maintaining coherence throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • slaughter
  • human foodstuffs
  • non-foodstuffs
  • fur
  • medicine
  • alternative protein sources
  • plant-based
  • lab-grown meat
  • ethical considerations
  • animal rights
  • welfare
  • cruelty-free
  • environmental impact
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • deforestation
  • synthetic materials
  • plant-derived alternatives
  • fashion industry
  • cosmetics industry
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