IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people focus on national news, while others think it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and offer your opinion

#people #focus #news #offer
In the
last
 100 years
world
 our
world
 has been considerably changed due the breakthroughs in technology and the trend of globalization.
News
 started to play a vital role in our lives. In
this
 regard, some
people
 believe that
people
 should pay more attention to national
news
while
 others consider international
news
 to be
also
 important. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion
at the end
.
To begin
 with, national
news
 provides information about the
country
people
 live.
People
 often could affect the governments if they do something wrong. So, national
news
 is the way
people
 find out important independent information (in democratic countries) about the situation in their
country
 or region.
Such
 an approach makes it possible to prevent corruption and abuse of authority.
Moreover
, local
news
 forms national identity.
People
 from all over the
country
 feel union by participating in the civil problems through the
news
.
On the other hand
, we live in the century of globalisation.
Therefore
, events on the other side of the
world
 could considerably have an impact on our lives. Checking international
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 makes you ready for
this
. But focusing only on the International
news
 could make you quite nervous as there is too much information that doesn't really matter. In
this
 case, you spend time on it and produce stress. In conclusion, I want to say that balance between types of
news
 is the most effective way to understand what is happening in your
country
 and
world
. It gives you an opportunity to make some decisions to be ready for the situation in the future.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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grammar
Ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and free of minor errors. For instance, 'world our world' can be corrected to 'our world' and 'could affect the governments' should be 'can influence governments.'
task achievement
Develop your ideas further by providing more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and balanced discussion of both views, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are well-formed. They clearly set the stage and summarize the discussion effectively.
supported main points
Main points are generally well-supported with explanations and reasoning, which helps in making the argument clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • civic participation
  • global perspective
  • economic trends
  • cultural exchanges
  • interconnected world
  • local policies
  • societal issues
  • empathy
  • global markets
  • international relations
  • immediate environment
  • increasingly important
  • context
  • broader perspective
What to do next:
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