In todays world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

#todays #world #people #money #appearance #happen #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, people are much more concerned about their age and want to look younger. I believe it is a negative development as it undermines natural look, and

also

these treatments

drains

Change the verb form

drain

show examples

person

Correct article usage

a person

show examples

financially.

This

essay will be in support of the abovementioned points and will elaborate

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

further

following

Correct article usage

the following

show examples

paragraphs. People are getting influenced by actors/actresses who

does

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

of plastic surgery treatments as it makes them look attractive, but what they don't see is that those models are getting paid for their looks. Models have to spend money because of their profession

whereas

folks who undergo these surgeries just

for having

Change preposition

to have

show examples

their looks transformed like those famous celebrities are wasting their money and

also

sometimes getting their physical

appearence

Correct your spelling

appearance

destroyed

along with

it.

For instance

, A

women

Fix the agreement mistake

woman

show examples

got famous because she wanted to look like Angelina Jolie, did plastic surgery for it and her looks got damaged permanently.

This

is the reason that

makes

Verb problem

apply

show examples

money spent on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

appearence

Correct your spelling

appearance

Add a missing verb

is a

show examples

negative development. Adding to

this

not only drains one financially

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

brings health problems

along with

it. We have seen that there are several side

affects

Correct your spelling

effects

show examples

this

, persons who undergo these programs, suffer from various skin

allegies

Correct your spelling

allergies

which could lead to cancer.

For example

, talking about hair transplant, in which

needle

Correct article usage

a needle

show examples

is used to add hair to the forehead, sometimes

force

Add an article

the force

show examples

of the needle is so much that makes a person suffer from

brain

Add an article

a brain

show examples

hemorrhage

Change the spelling

haemorrhage

show examples

. So, it does not seem worth it to put one's life at risk to look physically attractive.

To conclude

, one should be satisfied with how he/she appears and should n't spend bucks to enhance their

appearence

Correct your spelling

appearance

Instead

, should spend it on other activities which would bring them mental peace and joy.

Submitted by mannadarshpal13 on Fri Jun 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is commendable. However, try to avoid repetition of points in the introduction. Instead, succinctly mention what you will be discussing without reiterating your stance multiple times.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a good logical flow, but it can be improved. Try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, you could use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader.

task achievement

You have addressed the topic well and provided relevant examples, but the examples could be more specific. Try to add more detail to support your points and make them more compelling.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and be focused on a single idea. Ensure that your ideas within paragraphs are clearly connected and not disjointed.

coherence cohesion

Try to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and misuse of words like 'allegies' which should be 'allergies'. Proofreading your essay before submission can help catch these mistakes.

task achievement

Your essay has a clear and strong position on the issue, which is maintained throughout the essay.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance. It also offers a thoughtful recommendation.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Youthful appearance
Societal norms
Media influence
Self-esteem
Confidence
Professional competition
Health and wellness
Cosmetic enhancements
Medical technology
Anti-aging products
Invest in appearance
Beauty standards

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Write a letter to a community college in America which invited you to talk about your country. In your letter Accept invitation and suggest preferable dates Tell them what your talks will be about And what equipment you require them to arrange
I am writing this letter to inform you that I have received your invitation. I do appreciate much!
4.5
band
New forms of money are becoming extremely popular nowadays. Is this a positive development or adding risk to the system? Should new money technology face greater regulation and scrutiny? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
There is no doubt that the usage of money has changed significantly in the last years. Cryptocurrencies and digital payment platforms have became an integral part of our live. While there are some drawbacks, I tend to believe that there are more positive sides.
6
band
As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.
Globalisation is the process of integration amongst people which was brought about by an unprecedented development in technology, especially in communication and transportation. This process has made cultures and traditions converge into one, creating a belief that cultural identity will fade into a monochrome of uniformity. However, in my opinion, I believe that cultural identity will never be lost as we approach a more globalised world.
5
band
Write about the following topic: The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
I believe it's due to the fast development of technology. Back to industrialization era, machines replace human work. For instance, in the past, we had to weave by our hands. However, there's a lot of sewing machines which save time for the employers, because of the advancement of science and technology.
6.5
band
Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is an argument going on between notions regarding the idea of working for yourself or for a company. Most of the people find self-employment to be a better option. In my opinion, the most important reason behind this is that you receive more freedom in comparison to working for an organization. As well as believing that this choice can lead to some drawbacks.

In todays world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

Write a letter to a community college in America which invited you to talk about your country. In your letter Accept invitation and suggest preferable dates Tell them what your talks will be about And what equipment you require them to arrange

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.