IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people today work long hours, leaving them with little time for leisure activities. Why is this happened? What problem does it cause?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As inflation increases in many countries, financial stress
causes
Use synonyms
 citizens to
work
Use synonyms
 tremendously long hours, which lowers their
time
Use synonyms
 to participate in recreational activities.
This
Linking Words
 trend
causes
Use synonyms
 a lot of consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as deteriorating
health
Use synonyms
 and weakened relationships among family members. One vital point that needs to be understood is the inflation in many countries nowadays.
Due to
Linking Words
 the world going through a financial crisis, the necessities prices rose significantly, but
in contrast
Linking Words
, the salaries did not increase or even decrease among some companies.
As a result
Linking Words
, in order to pay those fundamentals, vast amounts of money are needed by workers, so overtime
work
Use synonyms
 is the best choice for them. One consequence of working overtime is a decline in
health
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, when toiling, more energy is devoted to
work
Use synonyms
, leaving little to no
time
Use synonyms
 for exercise, which results in a significant decrease in
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 quality.
Additionally
Linking Words
, excessive
work
Use synonyms
 hours often lead to high levels of stress, which can weaken the immune system and increase the risk of illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease and hypertension.
For example
Linking Words
, a study on corporate employees found that those who consistently worked more than 50 hours per week were more likely to suffer from chronic fatigue and stress-related
health
Use synonyms
 issues compared to those with a balanced
work
Use synonyms
 schedule. Another consequence of working overtime is harming family relationships.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, if a person spends the whole day working, they are too exhausted to do anything. With that in mind, grinding reduces the communication
time
Use synonyms
 for people in their society.
This
Linking Words
causes
Use synonyms
 detrimental effects on family relationships.
For example
Linking Words
, research shows that New York citizens devoted half of their
time
Use synonyms
 working every day and the happiness rates declined.
This
Linking Words
 shows the disastrous effect of burning the midnight oil. In conclusion, as inflation increases, doing double duty is needed to conserve quality of life.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
causes
Use synonyms
 bad effects
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
 deterioration and reduced family relations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider expanding on the introduction to provide a clearer overview of the issues related to working long hours due to inflation. A strong opening statement can help set the stage for the arguments that follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the body paragraphs, aim for a more balanced development of your main points. Each point should be supported with equally strong evidence and examples to ensure they are clear and comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures for more fluidity in your writing, which can enhance the overall flow and cohesiveness of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents relevant ideas on the causes and consequences of working long hours, which is the focus of the task.
Task Achievement
You have successfully included concrete examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: