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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries people can go to a supermarket and buy products

#countries #people #supermarket #products
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The question of whether the
benefits
 of limitless accessibility to the
food
products
 that are produced in other parts of the world outweigh the disadvantages has been sparking debates for several years. Despite the fact that there are some drawbacks associated with the topic, in my opinion, the main
benefits
 greatly outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage may be the addition of too much preservative in these
products
 to long-distance transportation. Too much preservative could be harmful to human health,
thus
 the consumption of these foods could have negative physical effects on the human body. Another perceived drawback is that a huge
amount
 of
money
 needs to be spent on transportation of the
food
 to other parts of the world which could be dedicated to other important sectors, especially in developing
countries
. To more extent, governments should invest more
money
 in improving education or the health care system rather than importing fancy foods from other parts of the world.
On the other hand
, the advantage of
this
 phenomenon should not be overlooked. First of all, the exportation of
food
 to other
countries
 can come with great financial
benefits
 for
countries
, especially developing or poor ones. The economy in these
countries
 does not have a stable situation so earning
money
 by selling their crops or other
food
products
 has great value for them.
For instance
, suppose a developing country like Iran, every year a considerable
amount
 of
money
 will be obtained through the exportation of some crops
such
 as tea, or nuts.
Moreover
, the great pleasure that you can experience by trying
food
 that may be consumed by people who live far away from you should not be underestimated. It is worth mentioning that it could be a great relief for some who may be concerned about the
amount
 of additives, thanks to the improvement of technology and
also
 the strict laws and regulations the
amount
 of
such
 materials is strictly controlled. To summarize,
while
 it is true that the consumption of
products
 which are not native to your country may have some challenges.
It is clear that
 it was outweighed by the significant
benefits
 that having these
products
 brings to the economy of a country.
Submitted by zshahhosein on

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task achievement
To reach a higher score, ensure to minimize minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety. Small inaccuracies, such as 'To more extent' instead of 'Furthermore,' should be corrected for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Keep working on polishing your transitions between sentences and ideas to enhance the smoothness of reading your essay.
coherence cohesion
Strong logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported and illustrated with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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