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Band 7

It is more important to use the space in cities well than to make them look beautiful. To what extent do you agree?

#space #cities
Cities
 are growing fast, and there is a need to use
space
 well. Many
people
 think that making
cities
 look beautiful is not as important. I agree with
this
 view to a large extent. Using
space
 well is more important for several reasons.
Firstly
, using
space
 well means providing more housing. Many
cities
 have too many
people
 and not enough homes.
This
 leads to problems like high rent and homelessness. By using
space
 well,
cities
 can build more homes and help more
people
 have a place to live.
Secondly
, good use of
space
 can improve transport. Many
cities
 have traffic jams and crowded buses and trains. If
cities
 plan well, they can build better roads and public transport.
This
 helps
people
 get to work and school faster and makes life easier for everyone.
Thirdly
, using
space
 well can provide more parks and open areas.
While
 making
cities
 look beautiful is nice, having parks and open spaces is even more important. These areas give
people
 a place to relax, exercise, and enjoy nature. They
also
 help improve air quality and make
cities
 healthier places to live.
However
, some
people
 think that making
cities
 look beautiful is
also
 important. Beautiful buildings and spaces can make
people
 feel proud of their city. They can
also
 attract tourists, which helps the city's economy. But, I believe that
this
 should not be the main focus. Beauty should come after basic needs like housing, transport, and open spaces are met. In conclusion,
while
 making
cities
 look beautiful has its benefits, using
space
 well is more important. It helps solve problems like housing shortages and traffic jams and provides parks and open areas for
people
 to enjoy.
Therefore
,
cities
 should focus more on using
space
 well than on making them look beautiful.
Submitted by vladislavikonnikov112 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task very well, but to achieve higher scores, consider incorporating a few more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs flow smoothly with better use of linking words and phrases. This will help in making the essay feel more cohesive and unified.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay nicely.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You have articulated clear and comprehensive ideas, presenting your arguments in a straightforward manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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