Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both view
It is argued by some
people
that movies shown on television or in the
Correct article usage
apply
theaters
which contain ferocity should Change the spelling
theatres
be control
by the government Change the verb form
be controlled
while
an alternative point of view is that the amount
of violence
should be kept intact. This
essay agrees with the sooner
statement and Correct word choice
previous
lay
out the Wrong verb form
lays
Correct your spelling
reasoning
resoning
below
There can be no doubt that almost the Correct your spelling
responses
amout
of viewers nowadays Correct your spelling
majority
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
teenager
. For that Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
reason
the Add a comma
reason,
appearment
of Correct your spelling
appeasement
violent
Add an article
the violent
a violent
film
with too Fix the agreement mistake
films
much
abusive Correct quantifier usage
many
element
has a profound effect on mental Fix the agreement mistake
elements
faculity
. Correct your spelling
faculty
facility
Moreover
, these films
have effect
on not only the young but Add an article
an effect
also
the adults. This
content lead
to Change the verb form
leads
the
increase in criminal crime. Correct article usage
an
Due to the
fact that Change preposition
The
people
watch
abusive Correct pronoun usage
who watch
element
frequently think that using Fix the agreement mistake
elements
gun
or Fix the agreement mistake
guns
knife
is normal and easy to break the law. Fix the agreement mistake
knives
As a result
, reducing the amount
of violence
in violent films
certains
that Correct your spelling
certain
people
will never have abusive behaviour
An alternative view point
of Correct your spelling
viewpoint
this
case is that many people
still support the development of action
films
with high excitement. This
is because several people
watch action
films
as a way to relax. They feel engaged with violent element
and not be attracted if Fix the agreement mistake
elements
these
content is controlled by Change the determiner
this
government
. For that reason, many Add an article
the government
argued
that Wrong verb form
argue
violence
is Correct article usage
a speacial
speacial
Correct your spelling
special
features
of Fix the agreement mistake
feature
this
genre of films
and to ensure that they will earn enough profit, abusive features is
necessary. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
This
may be true but watching too much
violent elements and behaviours is always a potential danger with Correct quantifier usage
many
thoughts
and manner of Correct article usage
the thoughts
people
This
writer contrnd
that the limit of age for Correct your spelling
contend
contends
action
or horror movies is not a good solution. What I mean is many cinema
Change to a plural noun
cinemas
is
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
responsibility Change preposition
apply
in
age control Change preposition
for
therefor
many teenagers who are not old enough can watch Correct your spelling
therefore
the
movies with high Correct article usage
apply
level
of Fix the agreement mistake
levels
violence
. Thus
, limiting the amount
of violence
in these films
is always necessary
solution to certain the development of the country
In conclusion, despite the contributions of Add an article
a necessary
the necessary
action
films
to the economy of the country, they are also
a risk with
children and the Change preposition
to
develoment
of Correct your spelling
development
country
. Correct article usage
the country
Government
should reduce the Correct article usage
The government
amount
of violence
in action
films
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
While the essay addresses both viewpoints and presents a stance, it would benefit from clearer and more coherent logical structuring. Each point should flow naturally into the next, with more distinct paragraphs for each idea.
task achievement
Some of the arguments presented are repetitive and lack specific examples to strengthen the points. Including more concrete examples will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
general tippy
There are numerous grammatical and spelling errors which affect the overall readability of the essay. Pay attention to sentence structure and use of vocabulary. Proofreading your work can help identify and correct these mistakes.
general tippy
Consider rephrasing and simplifying some of your sentences to avoid confusion. For instance, instead of saying 'these films have effect on not only the young but also the adults,' you could say 'these films affect both young people and adults.'
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points and restating the stance which adds to its coherence.
task achievement
The writer addresses both sides of the argument, showing an effort to engage with the topic comprehensively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.