IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport while others think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Some believe that
success
Use synonyms
 in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 mainly
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
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 on physical health
while
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 others claim that being strong-willed is a key factor leading to
this
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success
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both viewpoints and
this
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 writer thinks that both of them play a vital role in becoming successful athletes. It must be acknowledged that physical strength is evidently demonstrated to be one of the key contributory factors in helping competitors meet
sports
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 competitions’ demands and have ample opportunities to achieve ultimate goals in
this
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 field. All
sports
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 require
people
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have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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good physical strength as it gives
people
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 the energy to partake in
sports
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 in the long run and the ability to get healed
due to
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 inevitable severe injuries. To illustrate, weightlifting is a sport which requires joiners to have good physical fitness and a qualified weight to lift weights in a certain time or swimmers who need endurance and good breathing to complete the race as best as possible.
However
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, there’s no denying that having great spirituality is considered crucial to succeeding in
this
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 field. Since the participants are mentally strong and not deeply influenced by external factors
such
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 as
people
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, personal pressure, and fear, they will most likely perform excellently. To illustrate, if
people
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 are pressured significantly by family, their clubs and even their own high expectations, they will be distracted and their performance
also
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 be significantly affected.
Moreover
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, during the contests or journey, it is inevitable for contestants to undergo severe injuries so sportsmanship, family bonds, and friendship can become incredible motivations for
people
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 to ignore the bleeding, bruises, and scratches to turn
success
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 into theirs. In conclusion, both viewpoints have valid reasons, I believe that physical ability is considered to be a key factor leading to
success
Use synonyms
 in
sports
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.
However
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, the role of mental strength is no less important.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by clearly stating both viewpoints. However, the sentence 'this writer thinks that both of them play a vital role in becoming successful athletes' could be slightly rephrased for better clarity. Consider using 'In my opinion, both physical and mental strength are crucial for achieving success in sports.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical flow and structure. Each paragraph focuses on a clear viewpoint and then supports it with examples. However, some sentences are a bit long and could be broken down for better readability.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help in substantiating your points well. To further improve, ensure that each example directly correlates with the argument you are making in the paragraph to enhance clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and concise, effectively setting up the discussion.
task achievement
You included relevant examples, such as weightlifting and swimming, to support your points about physical strength.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively reiterates your balanced viewpoint and ties back to the introduction, providing a sense of completeness to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
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