IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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It is common knowledge that budgeting
money
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 expenses is of paramount significance for every individual, especially youngsters. Personally, I am in favour of
this
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 view to a large extent for two main reasons. It is highly essential for
people
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 to keep track of their spending
money
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 and try to save it for the future. To commence with,
people
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, especially youngsters, have to be more careful with
money
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 in order to enhance their standards of living
subsequently
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. To clarify, if individuals save their
money
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 in their bank account, they will have more
chance
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chances
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 to supply facilities and welfare,
such
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 as decent housing and luxury cars for their families in succession.
In other words
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, the less they indulge in spending, the more they can provide facilities in the future.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can invest their
money
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 in reliable stock companies in order to achieve a vast sum of
money
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 later. To specify, every person can make their little amount of
money
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 grow significantly by investing rather than spending
money
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 extravagantly. To exemplify, if a person had invested his
money
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 in land in Iran, his
money
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 would have immediately soared two or three times.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that considerable inflation in Iran leads to astronomical
surge
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surges
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 in prices.
Consequently
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, in
this
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 country, the best way to make your future come to fruition is to invest your
money
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 in land.
On the other hand
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, opponents assert that youngsters have to enjoy their lives because when they grow older, they will probably have neither time nor energy to take the most of their
money
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.
For instance
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, despite saving sufficient
money
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, they assumedly do not have the chance to enjoy in travels.
This
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 is because they should look after their children or they may develop some diseases as they grow older and cannot be as energetic and vibrant.
However
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,
people
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 can easily manage and tackle these issues by having enough
money
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. In conclusion,
due to
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 the aforementioned reasons,
although
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 by budgeting
money
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 little can
people
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 enjoy themselves at older ages compared to youth, they can take advantage of several facilities and welfare.
Hence
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, I am firmly convinced that saving
money
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 plays a pivotal role in every individual’s life.
Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for better flow and readability.
task achievement
Expand on the counter-argument to show a more balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, making the essay well-structured.
task achievement
Good use of examples, like the investment in land in Iran, to support arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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