IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Pollution and other environmental damages are inevitable results when a country is developing and growing its wealth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pollution #damages #results #country #wealth
Modernization world all
countries
 are trying to improve their financial status and employment.
Due to
that
Add a comma
that,
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 they are establishing a lot of innovative industries and commerce without consideration of environmental and pollution impact. I completely agree with
this
 statement by specifying the
below mentioned
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
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 points. Analyzing
this
 statement the first point is some
countries
 have more population like China and India, here the government want to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employment and reduce the financial burden.
Thus
, they are allowing most chemical and automobile
factories
 to establish in their area near
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
dwelling
Fix the agreement mistake
dwellings
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 and rivers places. Because of
this
that
Correct word choice
apply
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factories
 scrap materials and sewage products are polluting the atmospheric air and natural water. To supplement, lots of forests and plants were destroyed
due to
Correct article usage
the industrial
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industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
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 in many
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
.
Due to
this
 global warming and natural disasters will
possible
Change the word
possibly
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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occur in future.
To
Change preposition
In
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 addition, few
countries
 are not strong
in
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apply
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economical
Change the word
economically
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 wise and
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
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 under the poverty line,
whereas
 their government has given permission to establish chemical
factories
 without inspection. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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,
African
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in African
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countries
 there are
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of
factories
 which has
creating
Wrong verb form
created
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huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 environmental impact.
Furthermore
,
well developed
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well-developed
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countries
such
America
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as America
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,
Canada
Correct word choice
and Canada
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 want to develop their commerce globally.
Thus
, they are trying to establish new industries in
to
Change preposition
apply
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another country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
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, so the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of industries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 going to
increases
Wrong verb form
increase
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can lead to
destroy
Replace the word
the destruction of
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 the global environment and climatic conditions. In a nutshell, technology development is inevitable and employment
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 very important for the
nation
Change noun form
nation's
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 wealth. Simultaneously, global environment and pollution control
is
Change the verb form
are
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 very essential for human health. So, all country
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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 should control
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollution by implementing strict rules and legislation.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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task achievement
Your essay discusses the topic and presents your viewpoint well. However, the clarity and depth of ideas can be enhanced. For instance, your points on government actions allowing factories could be expanded with more concrete examples and data.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For example, 'in to another country' should be 'into another country,' and 'has creating huge environmental impact' should be 'has created a huge environmental impact.' Improving sentence structure and reducing grammatical errors will help convey your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more signposting language to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion' can help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a well-defined conclusion, which frames your essay nicely.
task achievement
Your essay provides specific examples to support your claims, such as mentioning China, India, and African countries, which helps in illustrating your points.
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