There are more new towns being built nowadays. It is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, numerous towns and cities are being built around the world
due to
increasing the population. Some believe that public parks
and sports
amenities are essential rather than shopping malls when new cities are built. I strongly agree with this
statement and I will clarify some facts behind this
decision.
To begin
with, public facilities should require than the individual's leisure activity such
as public parks
and sports
facilities.This
is, physical activity can lead to living a healthy lifestyle but many residents who live in places, do not have sports
and park facilities for physical exercise, consequently
, it brings more detrimental health effects. For example
, many office-goers sit at
one place for long hours without doing physical workouts can lead to heart disease, diabetes and inflammation. Needless to say, Change preposition
in
sports
gym centers should construct
Wrong verb form
be constructed
than
shopping malls when new towns are constructed.
Rephrase
rather than
Furthermore
, public parks
are necessary as compared to shopping plaza
on the grounds Fix the agreement mistake
plazas
Correct word choice
that it
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
the
mental status. Greenery space provides mental peace and relaxation when they walk in public Correct article usage
apply
parks
. For instance
, at present, according to
the
new research, people who live in Correct article usage
apply
the
metropolitan places without any Correct article usage
apply
parks
, they
suffer stress and depression as compared to the population who live in the countryside Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
greenery spaces. Hence
, public buildings should be built for people's health and mental aspects rather than building shopping malls for leisure activities.
In conclusion, constructing new cities should be required for
public Change preposition
apply
parks
and sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
instead
of shopping complexes on the grounds it improves people's health and mental status. Therefore
, I strongly agree with this
statement in the aforementioned details.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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grammar
Ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and concise. There are some grammatical errors and awkward constructs that could be improved.
details
Use more precise examples and evidence to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments.
structure
Although the essay is well-organized, make sure to use clear topic sentences and consistent transitions. This will improve logical flow.
structure
The essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.
task
The writer makes a clear argument in favor of public parks and sports facilities over shopping centers, addressing the task directly.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's position, contributing to a cohesive essay.