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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
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It is true that the elderly public has an indispensable role to play in many aspects of contemporary society. Some public harbour a belief that countries with a growing proportion of elderly communities harm our government,
while
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 others hold the reverse viewpoint. From my perspective, it is a controversial issue which deserves an in-depth discussion.
Initially
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, the front and centre in its favour
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 that the elderly
population
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 are usually causing governments more debt maintaining the social health care systems. Considering more decease and disability of self-caring in elderly communities, governments have to raise more budget for social welfare.
Besides
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 the aforementioned, it seems that the elderly public is directly and indirectly decreasing the workforce of the whole country , by quitting on workplace and making the younger generation more pressure to take care of. At the other end of the spectrum,
such
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 a vital role old adults play in the boosting social economy. The old
population
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 are more willing to purchase boutiques owing to abundant pensions.
Furthermore
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, the elderly
population
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 have constructed mature professional knowledge and experiences they can take great advantage of in helping younger folk build their own careers. These indicate that the countries have many pros on the economy
due to
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 the elderly
population
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. In sum, despite the elders raising governments’ budget on long-term health care issues, it is widely believed that the advantages of the ageing
population
Use synonyms
 to governments outweigh those disadvantages.
Submitted by tvkevin0910681085 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to back up your points. Adding statistics or concrete real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Although you have a clear structure, work on making your ideas more logically connected. For instance, use transitional phrases to enhance the flow between points.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effective, reflecting the main topic and your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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