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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Having police officers patrolling the streets is often considered an essential way to reduce crime. How effective do you think police street patrols are? What other ways of reducing crime can you propose? Give reasons for your answer, and provide ideas and examples from your own experience.

#police #officers #streets #crime #street #patrols
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Some people believe the purpose of
education
 should be
helping
Change the verb form
to help
show examples
 the individual to become useful for
society
,
while
 others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 More people believe that the aim of
education
 should be to prepare individuals to contribute effectively to
society
;
however
, others are more drawn to the idea of fulfilling their personal aspirations.
While
 both views have equally valid merits, I personally believe that
education
 should strike a balance. Admittedly, there are a number of reasons why
education
's purpose should be to help humans become useful to
society
. First and foremost, problem-solving
skills
 for social issues may be the first reason for
this
. A curriculum designed with societal benefits in mind can equip
students
 with problem-solving abilities relevant to issues
such
 as environmental sustainability and social justice.
Society
,
as a result
, benefits from these
students
' abilities. On top of that, another factor contributing to
society
's benefit might be community building and social harmony. Not only is it advantageous to problem-solving
skills
, but it
also
 helps
students
 build stronger communication
skills
 harmoniously. Case in point, emphasis on teamwork in
education
 gives
students
 an opportunity to create stronger communities, as
students
 learn to work and live together during tutoring. They, in turn, have a chance to improve their communication abilities as well. As much as I acknowledge the points above, I believe that
education
that is
 beneficial to individuals should, by all means, assist them in achieving their goals. One of these is fostering independence. The more
education
 supports ambition and encourages
students
 to set and achieve personal goals, the more confidence they can build. Humans, in effect, are provided with a supportive educational system which leads to their personal aspirations.
Furthermore
, a second reason can be flexibility and adaptability.
For instance
, scientists have pointed out that by focusing on individual ambitions,
education
 can adapt to diverse interests and
skills
, preparing
students
 for their career paths.
As a consequence
, they possess the responsibility to thrive in rapidly changing career fields in their futures.
To sum up
,
while
 some people
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 helping the individual become more valuable to
society
 through
education
, I am of the opinion that it is more advantageous to take a balanced approach since
education
 can create well-rounded citizens who contribute to
society
 and their personal lives, too. Words:355
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. While the general ideas are well expressed, specific real-world examples could provide more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your topic sentences clearly forecast the content of each paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay further.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the purpose of education, acknowledging both societal and personal benefits.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting the two opposing views and your stance.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the discussion well, reinforcing the balanced approach you've advocated for.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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