Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Now that technology has become more affordable and accessible, many
adults
and children
are doing their work or studying from the comfort of their homes. Some argue that this
change is a positive advancement, but some also
have a contrasting opinion regarding this
change. This
essay agrees that being productive from home
is a positive development for employees
and students because people will have more free time
for other productive uses and the adversity of less socialization caused by the use of technology can be mitigated.
By working or learning from their houses, employees
and students will have plenty of free time
. This
is because, mobilizing from home
to the office or school
usually requires a lot of time
, because of the distance, traffic, and other factors. With their work or study being moved from the conventional office and school
, adults
and children
can make use of their time
for other activities, such
as leisure activities that are good for mental health, instead
of transporting. For instance
, the average time
for employees
to go to their offices in Jakarta is 2 hours, bringing in the factor of traffic congestion and long distance.
However
, working or learning from home
can hinder adults
and children
from socializing. This
is to say that, by being in the office or school
, children
and adults
are meeting and communicating with their peers physically, and these social interactions will be reduced when people work or study in their houses. However
, with the existence of social media applications, this
problem can be solved. For example
, meetings and school
lessons can be done through an app called Zoom, which works as a video conference platform.
In conclusion, the benefit of having more free time
and an innovative app that enables people to socialize in real-time
through internet
Add an article
the internet
,
makes working or learning from Remove the comma
apply
home
a positive change for employees
and students.Submitted by annzhr on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically progresses through the argument, but some transitions could be smoother. For example, use more linking phrases like 'Moreover' or 'Additionally' to connect sentences more naturally.
task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task and supported it with relevant examples. To further enhance this, you might consider providing a counterargument or discussing potential drawbacks more thoroughly before reaffirming your position.
task achievement
While the main points are adequately supported, you could improve the clarity of your ideas by further developing your examples. For instance, explain how reducing commute time can directly benefit mental health and productivity.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully included an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the essay well.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task and is well-structured, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the average commute time in Jakarta and the use of Zoom, to support your points, which makes your argument more convincing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?