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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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It is evident that nowadays many
children
 spend a lot of
time
 using their
smartphones
. The variety of
smartphones
’ uses may contribute to
this
 case and I feel that
this
 is harmful to
children
’s health. I think
this
 situation may be caused by the development of
smartphones
 and it is
also
 partly because
children
 can not limit themselves.
Children
 can not restrict themselves well so they are likely to be fascinated by interesting things. With the evolution of
smartphones
, today
children
 can get a good kick out of them , they can play games, find interesting things, watch films and TV series
as well as
 read stories on mobile phones.
As a result
,
children
, the people who are not able to control themselves well, will be fully attracted to
smartphones
.
For instance
, if they do each thing for an hour per day,
then
 the total
time
 will become at least four hours--it is long enough for
children
.
This
 case is projected to pose a threat to
children
’s health. Everyone has only 24 hours per day, so if
children
 pay closer attention to playing on mobile , they will have fewer hours to exercise .
Then
this
 will lead to a weak body and it will be easy for them to catch an illness. And it is believed that using
smartphones
 too often is responsible for bad eyesight. If we allow kids to spend too much
time
 utilising phones, they will have to wear a pair of glasses at an early age.
To sum up
, the reason why
children
 spend a long
time
 on
smartphones
 is the many uses of
smartphones
 and their lack of self-control and
this
 will present a challenge to their health.
Submitted by 2578922328 on

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Structure
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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