Some people think that children should aim to do their best at whatever they are doing. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #aim

Some people argue that their

children

should strive for excellence in all their pursuits

while

others disagree.Each side has its own merits,and

Change the capitalization

show examples

support the former perspective. On the one hand, it is said that

children

should achieve high proficiency in

subjects

Correct article usage

the subjects

show examples

they participate in.

For instance

,in some lower

class

Fix the agreement mistake

classes

show examples

children

focus solely on core subjects, like English and Math, to reach top grades and class rankings. Their rationale behind

this

is that entering a prestigious university can make an important

turning-point

Correct your spelling

turning point

show examples

for their professional prospects .

Although

this

way seems harsh ,it may lead to promising career opportunities and alleviate

financial

Add an article

the financial

show examples

burden on their parents in the future.

On the contrary

, some argue that expecting

children

to excel in every area they participate in has its own adverse consequences. The intense pressure on

children

to perform the best at everything could cause problems in their mental health

such

as depression,

OCD

Correct word choice

and OCD

show examples

In addition

children

may lose their carefree childhood which can be their spiritual support when they face difficulties in the future. In conclusion,I reaffirm my conviction that

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

should aim for excellence in every

subject

Add an article

the subject

show examples

they attend.

Besides

, schools and families should incorporate more leisure activities into the timetable of their

children

in order to prevent potential mental problems

Submitted by nguyentungchi345 on Sun Jun 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both views of the topic and provides a clear opinion, which completes the task. However, there are areas where more specific examples could strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning specific prestigious universities or real-world examples of careers that benefit from early academic excellence would be helpful.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has a clear structure, there are occasional lapses in clarity due to some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Improving sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy would enhance readability. For example, "offsprings" should be "offspring," and pay attention to article use and plural forms.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clear, which helps guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

Your viewpoint is stated clearly, and you effectively present both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

9 paragraphs

209 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

striving for excellence
discipline
perseverance
competitive
reduces pressure
balanced development
fosters creativity
realistic goals
adverse mental health outcomes
achievable aspirations
balanced approach
participation
enjoyment
societal and cultural impact
understanding of success

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it difficut to work. Write a letter to the accomodation officer at the college. in your letter describe the situation explain your problems and why it is difficult to work say what kind of accomodation you would prefer.
I am a Nursing student in my final year of study in the college, and i leave in one of the college rooms precisely room 206 in the Tayfor building. I used to leave with my former room mate, who recently graduated so she moved out, she was so nice and thoughtful to live with, and i really miss her. Fast forward i was given a new room mate and thats when all the problem started, making it difficult for me to work.
7
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
While a number of people believe the biggest environmental issue is the decreasing plants and animals numbers nowadays, others reject this statement because they think there are more significant troubles. I must admit that I totally agree with the idea that plants and animals are the most substantial things we should be concerned about. Now, I would like to give relevant examples to explain why I think that way.
5
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There is no denying the fact that due to the rapid technological revolution, which impacted the cities around the world in the first place, this huge improvement has encouraged rural people to move to cities.
4
band
Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearence of their pupil, while other scholls have a very relaxed dress code. What are advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?.
There are widely differing views on the issue of whether school directors are imposing more rules about school uniforms or not.Some students would suggest that it is their right to wear educational dress codes.There are two principal reasons for this.
7
band
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is often thought that music plays a vital role in our lives since it is an excellent method to bring people together despite their differences in age and culture. This essay will address this viewpoint, and I wholeheartedly concur because melody speaks directly to the feelings and senses of all humanity.

Some people think that children should aim to do their best at whatever they are doing. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearence of their pupil, while other scholls have a very relaxed dress code. What are advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?