IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

This is an IELTS writing task 1 sample answer essay from the new IELTS Cambridge 18 book of past tests on the topic of the number of US households (in millions) by annual income.

#ielts #sample #cambridge #book #tests #topic #households #millions #income
A glance at the bar chart provided highlights the total number of
families
 in the United States was divided into four levels,
categorizing
Wrong verb form
categorised
show examples
 by the average annual
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 from the year 2007 to 2015.
Overall
, the ranking shows the increasing economic imbalance of the United
State
Replace the word
States
show examples
 society
among
Change preposition
during
show examples
 those 8 years. Noticeably, the numbers of the most wealthy
families
 and the least wealthy
families
 both increased through the given period. To probe more deeply, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
 who earn over $100,000, less than $25,000, and between $25,000 to $49,999 yearly were all under the line of 30
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, from 2007 to 2011.
However
, the
families
 who earn over $100,000 a year reached a new height
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 33
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2015,
while
 the numbers of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
 who earn less than $25,000 and from $25,000 to $49,999 both almost climbed over 30
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2011 and had a little go down at about 2.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 2015.
Furthermore
, what should be particularly mentioned are the groups of
families
earn
Correct pronoun usage
that earn
show examples
Correct article usage
an averagely
show examples
averagely
Change the word
average
show examples
$
Change preposition
of $
show examples
50,000 to $74,999 and $75,000 to $99,999 who remained
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 the
last
 and the second
last
 at all
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, with the numbers keep level off from 2007 to 2015 at separately 21% and 15%.
Submitted by tvkevin0910681085 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the information. Additionally, ensure that every paragraph has a clear topic sentence that alerts the reader to the main idea being discussed.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that all the main trends are described clearly and precisely. Avoid ambiguous phrases and provide more specific data from the chart to substantiate your points.
general
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can detract from the clarity of your writing. Proofreading your work can help reduce such errors.
task achievement
The essay covers all required points and describes the overall trend effectively.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay shows a good attempt to analyze and interpret data, emphasizing the economic imbalance in U.S. society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: