More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people Say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Throughout recent years, there have been accompanying issues with rising
obesity
rates due to
a huge upsurge in the number of high-calorie foods. Many individuals feel that introducing higher payment to unhealthy fattening foods may better address this
issue of obesity
. It is, in my opinion, an unefficient
trend that will have a detrimental influence on Correct your spelling
inefficient
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
's lifestyle
. I will explain my perspective in the forthcoming paragraphs.
The number of overweight and obese Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
people
has doubled since 1980 and accelerated since 200, which means that the epidemic has spread during periods of both low and high food
prices. It implies that,
Public health companions have no expectation that by adding extra cost to calorific Remove the comma
apply
food
they will restrain this
epidemic explosion of fatness. A good illustration of this
phenomenon would be the situation in America where the public authority had doubled the price of hot dog
from 4 to 8. Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
However
, people
willingly bought their flavoursome dish. Due to
the fact that in wealth
countries consumers possess more money and can Replace the word
wealthy
therefore
consume rast
amounts of fast Correct your spelling
vast
food
without seriously diminishing their income.
The idea of adding more taxes on fattening foods will only increase the burdens of poor people
in the
society. Because Correct article usage
apply
food
costs are still high and possibly getting more unstable, bad calories are typically less expensive than healthy ones. This
is true not onlyfor
junk Correct your spelling
only for
food
in the industrialized world but also
for less nourishing food
substitues
found in low-income homes in developing nations that frequently face Correct your spelling
substitutes
food
emergencies. Thus
rising domestic and international food
prices along with
rising volatility portend the obesity
pandemics
continued existence. Change noun form
pandemic's
Additionally
, Junk food
is more widely available in wealthy nations and less nutritious alternatives are more common in low-income homes during food
crises because unhealthy calories are frequently less expensive than better options.
In conclusion, the announcement of price
hike cannot curb the state of altering from stunting to Correct article usage
a price
obesity
. Public health companies should not only contemplate the fiscal strategy to tackle this
looming problem,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
should consider the behaviour of people
and their metabolic development contribute to being overweight or obese.Submitted by minimix1203 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and supports it with relevant arguments. However, some points could benefit from deeper elaboration. For instance, the connection between food prices and obesity trends could be more thoroughly explored with more varied examples.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed and supported with adequate examples and explanations. While the attempt to use specific data is commendable, be cautious with your facts—it's better not to introduce potentially misleading statistics unless verified.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow and structure, with clear paragraphs and a defined introduction and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas can be smoother. For example, the move from discussing American consumer behavior to the financial burden on poor people could be bridged more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability. Some sentences are quite long and complex, which might affect clarity. Breaking them down into shorter, more concise sentences could improve coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your opinion and sets the stage for the arguments that follow. This is effective in engaging the reader and establishing the context.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position, bringing the essay to a satisfying close. This reinforces the overall coherence of your argument.
supported main points
Your essay uses relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument. The reference to America's handling of high-calorie food prices is particularly illustrative.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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