More and more people are buying fashionable clothes these days. Does it have more negative or positive effects? Give reasons for your answers and include examples relevant to your experience.
Nowadays, we can see a significant trend in the majority of individuals purchasing state-of-the-art
clothes
. While
extending a variety of outfits represents people's wealth and their interest in fashion, there are some alternative destinations to spend private revenues like charity foundations or other community-related projects.
With the advent of new technologies and the accessibility of social media, we can observe more and more individuals acquiring their daily clothes
from fashionable and expensive outlets. For example
, according to
the statistics, in Kazan, during the last
2 decades, the number of luxury stores noticeably increased by 35%. Furthermore
, it is accompanied by a tremendous growth of IT companies, tripling in figures. Additionally
, implementing dress code policies in those firms triggered a desire to buy new brands and showcase your taste in fashion design.
On the other hand
, citizens' revenue can be spent with more self-awareness of individuals to cover some community needs like developing societal-oriented applications. For instance
, in Moscow, a group of wealthy and wise IT professionals launched a free app, Cuma, whose aim was to promote healthier and more balanced nutrition in the community. In addition
, the app offered free 24/7 service to respond on time to any public requests that covered outer suburban and rural areas. Furthermore
, they organised a "fund your clothes
" function in the app, so that anyone from the city can help other people in need by dropping items to designated offices. This
is a great example of supporting society instead
of prioritizing only your wishes.
In conclusion, throughout the last
two decades, a huge number of people focused their expenditures on buying more cosy and fashionable clothes
that impacted society to become more modern and can be counted as a positive trend. However
, in my opinion, that amount of money can be invested in a
more impactful cost-free projects or specific applications that could affect more positively domestic Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
as well as
far-flung corners of the world.Submitted by gainutdin87 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will improve the logical flow and overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance readability and clarity. For example, the term 'state-of-the-art' is more commonly associated with advanced technology rather than clothing.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas to keep the essay concise and focused. For example, the idea of using revenue for societal needs is repeated a few times without adding much new information.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and sets the stage for the discussion.
Task Achievement
The essay incorporates relevant and specific examples, such as the statistics about luxury stores in Kazan and the Cuma app in Moscow, which help support the main points.
Introduction & Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and offers a personal opinion, providing a clear resolution to the essay.