IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #care #think #service #government
There is no denying that with the rapid development of technology, medical techniques have become more efficient and effective. As
such
, the costs of medical
treatments
 have been increasingly recognized. Some people believe that the
government
 should provide free medical
services
,
while
 others argue that
individuals
 should pay for their medical expenses. From my perspective, I agree with the former, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are several factors supporting the belief that the
government
 should cover public medical expenses. First and foremost, medical care is essential for saving lives and ensuring public health. Free medical
services
 would contribute to the
overall
 welfare of society.
Moreover
, many medical
treatments
 are prohibitively expensive for
individuals
 in lower economic strata, resulting in a disparity where only the wealthy can maintain good health.
Therefore
, the
government
 should provide complimentary healthcare
services
 to ensure that all citizens have access to necessary medical care.
However
, some opponents disagree with offering free medical
treatments
 for several reasons.
Firstly
,
individuals
 have different medical needs. Some people rarely visit doctors,
while
 others require intensive
treatments
. Providing free medical
services
 could lead to an equalized resource distribution that may place a greater economic strain on the public
due to
 increased taxation.
According to
 a report released by National Taiwan University in 2020, 70% of medical consumption was
due to
 chronic diseases, with most patients being over 65 years old.
Thus
, making medical
services
 free of charge could cause a significant imbalance in resource allocation. In summary,
while
 some argue that free medical
services
 could place an economic burden on society, it is essential to ensure that all
individuals
 have access to necessary medical care. The
government
 should strive to balance resource distribution and taxation
while
 providing free healthcare
services
 to promote public health and welfare.
Submitted by iih310614 on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure that examples are specific and detailed to strengthen arguments. For instance, besides the report from National Taiwan University, additional statistics or case studies would enhance the point.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on further refining the clarity of complex ideas. Simplifying or breaking down complex sentences would make the argument more comprehensible.
logical structure
The logical structure of arguments could be enhanced by ensuring smooth transitions between contrasting viewpoints and aligning them within respective sections, providing a more cohesive and clear flow.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument and presenting a clear stance.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are effectively crafted, clearly introducing the topic and summarizing key points.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with logical explanations and a relevant example.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal coverage
  • equity
  • fundamental human right
  • out-of-pocket expenses
  • financial hardship
  • preventative measures
  • social contract
  • quality of care
  • high demand
  • limited resources
  • tax implications
  • budget priorities
  • universal healthcare systems
  • public health
  • disease burden
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