Task 2 Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this case ? do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?
Recently, there has been a phenomenon where
children
prefer to spend most of their time on their smartphones. Despite being considered a positive development to recognize the development of technology, it seems to me that it would contribute more negativity both in social and health aspects.
Living in a modern society will force children
to grow up with a lack of family bonding between offspring and parents leading to a phenomenon where children
devote most of their hours to their gadgets or smartphones. Additionally
, excessive use without adults guiding will result in some negative impacts on children
both in their social lives and the well-being damage which will be earned by this
activity.
To begin
with, there is a high number of cybercrimes such
as hate comments and over-sharing of negative content happening worldwide, where a huge number of children
suffer mental illnesses as a result
of this
phenomenon. Furthermore
, the decline of vision ability and eye fitness damage of the young generation recently is one of the serious health issues all over the world, and mostly experienced by young people who spend most of their time watching their screens.
In addition
, overuse of gadgets will also
impact their social abilities, both in their family and community. Spending more occasion on smartphones directly decreases good family moments or even worse they begin to ignore their family member or what is going to happen around them. Moreover
, they will lose their communication skills about how to interact with others in their local communities.
To conclude
, wasting more space on gadgets will contribute to more negative social aspects, where mental illnesses and eye health damage are suffered by numerous young generations who are addicted to playing with their gadget more than spending their turn with their surroundings.Submitted by k a l l a on
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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention specific studies or instances that highlight the mental health issues or vision problems in children due to excessive smartphone use.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting a more logical and seamless transition between ideas. This can be achieved by using transition words and ensuring that each paragraph naturally flows to the next.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. For example, further explain the impact of decreased family bonding or the reduction in communication skills within communities.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay does a good job of discussing both social and health impacts, covering a broad range of issues.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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