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Band 7

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
In the olden days,
people
 were used to doing more physical work and keeping themselves healthy. In the future
people
's health is going to lower levels
due to
 the lack of exercise and working online from their homes. I totally agree with
this
 notion because
due to
 individuals' busy schedules, they will spend more time in sitting chairs and working with the technologies. The main
reason
 is that
people
 are busy with their work because they are working from home and have less movement of their bodies.
For example
, during COVID-19 employees started work from flats and they suffered from obesity and anxiety. Another factor is that online facilities are available in
this
 modern era and it has become easy for
people
 to order from their digital devices and get food and other things at their doorsteps, like Uber Eats, Amazon and many more online websites supplying goods to their clients.
Furthermore
, the primary
reason
 is that a number of kids and adults spend time watching television and using social media platforms, where they waste more time without any
reason
 and become grumpy and violent,
as a consequence
,
people
 are involved in crimes and fighting without any
reason
.
In addition
, the cheap prices of fast foods and online sale products, so
people
 are attracted towards these trajectories and promotions. In conclusion,
due to
this
 trend of working from home and online attractive sales,
people
 are going to be less health conscious. In my opinion,
people
 must join face-to-face workplaces, where they can do movements and save themselves from major diseases. I had obesity and anxiety issues when COVID-19 came and paid lots of money to doctors.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single main idea to improve cohesion. Transitions between paragraphs and ideas can be smoother to maintain logical flow.
task achievement
Expand on the relevant specific examples provided. Give more detailed examples and ensure they directly support the argument being made. Specific statistics or studies can strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument well. The opinion is evident and consistently maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
The task response is comprehensive, addressing different aspects of the statement. The essay's contention that future health standards may decline due to physical inactivity and increased reliance on technology is supported by reasonable arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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