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Writing Samples
Band 6

Pie chart bellow give information about the house hold expenditures of an average vs family in different years. summarizes the information by selecting and reporting the main features

Pie chart bellow give information about the house hold expenditures of an average vs family in different years. summarizes the information by selecting and reporting the main features
#bellow #information #house #expenditures #years #features
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The given pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the household expenditure of an average family in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 health care had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage of expenditure for Malaysian families. First of all, there is a significant difference in housing prices in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
, housing is the highest spending for Malaysian households with approximately 34% of their income,
Whereas
Linking Words
 only 21% of Japanese's salary/wage is
spended
Correct your spelling
spent
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 on housing.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the rate of transportation costs in
Japan
Use synonyms
 is approximately 20%,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 only spend 10% of their income on transport,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average household in
Japan
Use synonyms
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 twice
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
Malaysian
Change preposition
of Malaysian
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 households,
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the prices of food in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 are higher than the costs in
Japan
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of living
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 is higher in three categories, which are transport, health care and other goods and services,
However
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 is more expensive in only two, these two are housing and food.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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