In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and there is a lack of a sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?
In the modern
world
it is argued that entertainers get paid more as compared to other industries. Entertainers here Add a comma
world,
includes
a Correct subject-verb agreement
include
talent
professional, a Replace the word
talented
sports
person
which
can be a cricketer who has a unique Correct pronoun usage
who
talent
to win matches. It also
includes film
star, singer or a comedian. Correct article usage
a film
While
few people
feel that its
not true that entertainers are overpaid. In Replace the word
it's
it is
this
essay, I would
discuss Wrong verb form
will
about
the contradicting views.
Being an entertainer professional Remove the preposition
apply
its
not easy, getting on to a competitive stage they need to devote time, practice hard and Correct your spelling
is
being
Wrong verb form
be
patience
. At a very early age Replace the word
patient
of
a professional’s Change preposition
in
life
the Add a comma
life,
person
needs to hunt for the talent
they have, along side
being ambitious about their career goal is very important. The actors, Correct your spelling
alongside
sports
Correct word choice
and sports
person
get paid for their hard work since not the
Correct article usage
apply
people
can get on the stage where they can outperform rest
. Correct article usage
the rest
For example
, selecting among the huge population and representing country
Correct article usage
the country
being
Verb problem
as one
in
Change preposition
of
top
11 players is not an easy task. Getting paid higher attracts the top Correct article usage
the top
talent
among the rest, so they are paid more as compared to other industries.
While
few people
feel that they aren’t paid more, which can be true as well. Every entertainer individual has a golden age where they earn most of the
money at a particular Change the word
their
life
phase. For instance
, a sports
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
person
who helps his team winning
matches usually Wrong verb form
win
earn
the most during Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
a
span of his Correct article usage
the
life
. There could be a chance Correct word choice
that
where
he can get Correct word choice
that
injury
or there could chance, he could be replaced by a better player than him. Add an article
an injury
This
can be a turning point in the professional’s life
since they wouldn’t be paid if they aren’t selected. As compared to a person
who is working 40 years of his life
and having
a retiring benefit, the Wrong verb form
has
sports
person
could earn and save less since they have their career secured for 10 to 12 years of their life
.
There are conflicting scenarios on
both Change preposition
for
the
views. The jobs that Correct article usage
apply
are
should be paid more Unnecessary verb
apply
is
working as a soldier so that more Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
can get into this
career, teachers so that they can direct the right path to the newer generation or working as a minister so that they don’t bribe and plans
a proper development. Correct subject-verb agreement
plan
Nation
should work Add an article
The nation
A nation
according to
the shortage of the
labour they have so Correct article usage
apply
to
attract Correct word choice
as to
people
by paying higher in their respective field
.Fix the agreement mistake
fields
Submitted by shahpmanan on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion on the issue of entertainers' pay, presenting both sides effectively. However, it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader on your overall stance or the purpose of the essay. Additionally, consider concluding with a summary of key points to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. These can detract from the clarity and readability of your points. Some sentences are also overly lengthy and could be simplified for better impact. Revise these areas to improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an awareness of the topic and presents multiple perspectives on the issue, which shows a good understanding and ability to analyze complex subjects.
coherence cohesion
The use of specific examples strengthens your argument and makes it more tangible for the reader. This is especially effective when you refer to sports professionals’ career spans and challenges.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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