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Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, advancements in technology have transformed various aspects of society. Discuss both the positive and negative impacts of technology on individuals and communities. Provide relevant examples and your own opinion.

#years #advancements #technology #aspects #society #impacts #individuals #communities
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In the present world, science and technology have created a gigantic change in
the
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apply
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society
Use synonyms
as well as
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 human life.
This
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 essay will delineate the merits and demerits of technological developments and how
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will
acts
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act
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 on
people
Use synonyms
 and
society
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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,
due to
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the
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technological growth,
people
Use synonyms
 get easy access to communication and internet servers and signals are very fast. It has resulted in most of the
people
Use synonyms
 using smartphones and laptops.
Hence
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, they can search for all the information whatever they want. Simultaneously, there are numerous social media and websites available
in
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on
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 the web access.
Thus
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, all individuals can easily know about the foreign country’s culture and
life styles
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lifestyles
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.
Moreover
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,
society
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 has changed
by
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with
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 the improvement of science and technology. To illustrate, nowadays most
of
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apply
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the
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people
Use synonyms
 are working at home
also
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 pupils are attending classes
through
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online these are happening because of the development of communication and
societies
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society
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 atmosphere and
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people
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people's
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 lifestyles have turned in
to
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another direction.
Furthermore
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, it’s undeniable there are some drawbacks
also
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 available by the science and technology development.
In other words
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, pupils and adults are consuming a lot of time
in
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on
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 websites and smartphones.
Hence
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, their body and mind will possibly suffer.
Additionally
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, technological advancements make
people
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 to be isolated from the
society
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. To illustrate, in my country most of the
people
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 stay in their homes during their leisure time and they don’t have an interest in meeting others and
also
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 they not
to
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apply
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care about their
neighbors
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neighbours
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.
To conclude
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, technical development is one of the inevitable
phenomenon
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phenomena
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 and it has both sides positive
as well as
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 faded.
Hence
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should use that in a narrow path of direction.
Then
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, it will be beneficial to citizens
as well as
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 the community.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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task achievement
While you have adequately addressed both the positive and negative impacts of technology, try to give more specific examples. This will make your essay more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be made clearer and more concise for better comprehension. For instance, 'development of communication and societies atmosphere and people lifestyles have turned in to another direction' can be simplified.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to keep a smooth flow between points and paragraphs. Some transitions are a bit abrupt. Use more linking words to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making the structure evident.
task achievement
You provided relevant points about how technology impacts communication and lifestyle.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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