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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Educating young people is naturally important, However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #think #governments #education #adults
The significance of
education
 has been highlighted over the past decades. From
this
 aspect, questions about whether educating young people is naturally essential,
However
, some think the authorities ought to invest more
education
Change preposition
in education
show examples
 for
adults
 in need arise. In my opinion, governments ought to invest more
education
Change preposition
in education
show examples
 for the
youth
 to some extent. Irrefutably, young individuals have sufficient time to learn.
This
 is because, compared to
adults
, they receive a compulsory
education
 on the required period and are less likely to do hard work all day long to earn money.
This
 obviously leads to a high concentration of study, and
this
 in turn encourages them to achieve great performance. What is more,
although
 the difficulty of
education
 cannot be overlooked, teaching the
youth
 is more effective and efficient. In actual fact, educational studies undertaken by experts have revealed that they can understand a wide range of
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 in a short period of time and easily adopt new knowledge like artificial intelligence rather than educated
adults
, so they can become civilised in the future.
Nevertheless
,
adults
 who want to learn can obtain the new opportunity.
In other words
, with the support of
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
, they can achieve bachelor’s degrees and industrial licenses, and the probability of employment rises in highly-paid or good working conditions jobs, so they live a better quality of life.
To conclude
,
adults
 who want to learn can obtain the new opportunity but young individuals have sufficient time to learn, and teaching the
youth
 is more effective and efficient.
Thus
, governments ought to invest more
education
Change preposition
in education
show examples
 for the
youth
.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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Task response
Be sure to directly address the question of the extent to which you agree or disagree throughout your essay. Stating your position clearly in the introduction and conclusion helps maintain a focus.
Task response
Expand on your examples to illustrate your points more effectively. Concrete examples improve the persuasiveness of your argument.
Coherence and cohesion
For even greater clarity and impact, use more varied and complex sentence structures. Experiment with different types of sentences and connectors.
Coherence and cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition of phrases like 'educating young people' and 'invest more education for the adults'. Variety in language adds to the readability of your essay.
Task response
Clear introduction and conclusion that reflect your viewpoint.
Coherence and cohesion
Logical structure that makes your argument easy to follow.
Task response
Relevant examples have been used to support your points, enhancing the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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