IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words

#people #children #time #school #work
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In
this
 contemporary epoch, a certain number of people believe that learners should be encouraged to have more homework to keep them busy because they get a lot of free
time
 that they waste usually.
This
 essay will delve into the various ways in which scholar can utilize their leisure
time
 in
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 effective manner.
To begin
 with, the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
primary activity that students can do in their free
time
 is they
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
revise their school
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 could be helpful for them to score better grades. The revision can help them to understand the facts in
much
Add an article
a much
show examples
 better manner.
Furthermore
, leisure
time
 can
also
 be used by children to find out about their hidden talents. Every kid is not talented from birth, some
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 motivation in their life to find
Change preposition
out about
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their hidden qualities.
Furthermore
, it is not beneficial to
pressurized
Wrong verb form
pressurise
show examples
 the juveniles to
study
 all the
time
 because
some
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
time
 they need mental satisfaction
along with
 some physical exercise.
Therefore
, permitting them to play the sports
such
 as football, basketball, or hockey could help to boost their body.
Moreover
, in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 kids can be
promoted
Verb problem
encouraged
show examples
 to try
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
indoor games like chess and abacas
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will help in mental growth in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 manner. Both of these games provide kids
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
different scenario to understand some
study
 materials.
To conclude
, as per the matrimonial mentioned above it is not always essential to
stress
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 them to
study
 only unless their free
time
 could be used in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 way by some physical activities or some indoor sports. It is not always required to
study
 books to boost their mind.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task achievement
For task response, ensure to clearly expand on each main point and provide specific, relevant examples. This helps to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to make the progression of ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Review your writing for consistency and clarity. This will help in making your essay more polished and professional.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay well.
task achievement
You covered several valid points about how children can utilize their free time effectively, addressing the task prompt comprehensively.
task achievement
The essay contains a variety of ideas, indicating a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unstructured free time
  • creativity
  • mental health development
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • sports
  • arts
  • social skills
  • family time
  • emotional growth
  • relationship building
  • rest and leisure
  • academic performance
  • burnout
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