The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Recently, there have been discussions regarding
health
and whether it is going to be improved or not. In my opinion, I think that people
will become unhealthier in the future
than they are now.
There are number
of reasons that support the idea of Change the article
a number
the number
people
becoming unhealthy in the future
. Firstly
, one reason is that of food. People
nowadays tend to eat more fast food. This
appears to be mainly because people
does
have more hectic days now than they used to have. Change the verb form
do
As a result
, people
become likely to have no time to cook or even learn the art of cookery. Furthermore
, consuming a lot of unhealthy foods can lead to obesity and serious illnesses. Another reason is the continuous development of technology everyday
. Children enjoy buying the latest devices and Replace the word
every day
gets
addicted to playing video games, which has a negative impact on their Change the verb form
get
health
. Spending long hours looking at a screen can lead to bad eyesight and obesity as well. Yet, another reason is laziness. Different forms of exercises
will most likely disappear in the Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
future
because people
will no longer like sports and rather spend most of their time on the internet which is growing fast every single day.
Other people
might disagree and believe that new sports and new ways to exercise will come into sight in the future
which will improve one's health
. However
, I strongly disagree that it will happen since the majority of people
spend less time outdoors. Technology is developing more in a negative way. For instance
, many phone industries are developing new applications everyday
and today's generation likes to follow every trend. Replace the word
every day
This
prevents people
from going outside to exercise.
In conclusion, I believe that people
's health
is affected negatively by unhealthy foods, sports and technology that
will become a problem in the years to come.Correct pronoun usage
which
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task achievement
Although the essay generally responded to the prompt well, it could benefit from more specific examples to effectively support the arguments presented. For instance, citing studies or data about the consumption of fast food and its impact on health can strengthen the response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to review sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors like 'does have' instead of 'do have', and 'gets' instead of 'get'. Enhancing grammatical accuracy will improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by providing clearer transitions. This will help create a seamless reading experience. For example, starting a paragraph with 'In addition' or 'Moreover' can indicate a continuation of the argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that aptly frame the discussion about future health standards.
supported main points
The main points are well-developed and directly address the prompt, making it apparent that the writer has a good understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay addresses multiple dimensions of the issue, such as diet, technology, and lifestyle, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the factors affecting health.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite