Some people think that money spent on protecting wild animals would be better than spending on improving the lives of the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt that these days some people consider spending
money
on insuring
the Correct your spelling
ensuring
lives
of wild animals
would be better than than developing the lives
of human nature. The question is do a
agree or disagree Correct pronoun usage
you
on
Change preposition
with
this
statement?,
In Change the punctuation
apply
this
essay
I'm going to discuss both sides.
In terms of protecting wild Add a comma
essay,
animals
rather than human
population, there is no advantage of protecting wild Add an article
the human
animals
and wasting money
on insuring them, Whereas
if money
is spent on the improvement of the lives
of the human population it will develope
the standard of living and Correct your spelling
develop
and
increase the life expectancy, The main reason given to support Remove the redundancy
apply
this
claim is that money
spent on protecting wild animals
will have a negative impact on the lives
of humans, for illustration, a wild animal could suddenly kill a person or bring horror to our lives
.
Secondly
, wild animal
are not an essential part of our Fix the agreement mistake
animals
lives
, so we're not required to waste money
in order to protect their lives
.
In conclusion, I completely disagree on
Change preposition
with
this
statement because the development of our lives
is way important
than wild Correct quantifier usage
more important
animals
.Submitted by yazanalt523 on
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task achievement
Your introduction is a good start, but you should clearly state your position on the issue in the introduction itself. For example, you could say 'I completely disagree with the statement because developing human lives is more important.' This provides a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Your arguments need more development and specific examples. Try to elaborate more on how improving human lives directly impacts society positively. Details and examples are crucial to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical errors and word choice. For instance, 'do a agree' should be 'do I agree.' Smaller mistakes can disrupt the flow of reading and make your ideas harder to understand.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically to the next. Your second paragraph mainly repeats points from the first paragraph. Instead, use it to introduce new points supporting your position.
task achievement
You have presented a clear point of view, which is essential for a good essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which rounds off your response well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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