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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #face #development
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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year
Add a comma
year,
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 more and more individuals
prefer
Wrong verb form
have preferred
show examples
 to meet virtually
instead
 of
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
 meetings. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I think that
this
 trend comes with negative repercussions. The main argument in favour of my opinion is that it develops a feeling of isolation among individuals. Before the Internet facility
people
 were
out going
Correct your spelling
outgoing
show examples
 and outspoken. They were used to
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 out and
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 their friends and relatives but now they are staying home and chatting online,
this
 resulted in deteriorating the quality and depth of relationships, which leads to isolation.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 younger ones try to contemplate the seemingly perfect life of others online, which is not always true, sometimes they think why they are the only ones suffering and
this
give
Change the verb form
gives
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 birth to feelings like envy,
insecurity
Correct word choice
and insecurity
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 and they feel low self-esteem .
On the contrary
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology mediated
Add a hyphen
technology-mediated
show examples
 interactions
has
Change the verb form
have
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 broken down
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
geographic barriers,
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 with similar interests, can connect all around the world. With
this
 they can
builto
Correct your spelling
build
built
 and polish their skills and socialization has helped in promoting diversity and inclusion. Nowadays more
people
 are respecting each other and understanding different cultures without any predefined norms.
Hence
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 or social platforms are powerful
source
Change the noun form
sources
show examples
 of social change.  All said and done,
although
this
 development has positives like connecting and breaking cultural barriers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 are losing social empathy and
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of relationships.
Therefore
, I see
this
 advancement as a negative impact.
Submitted by jalpreetjelly79 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you proofread your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, as these can disrupt the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, use more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. This makes your essay more compelling and demonstrates a deeper engagement with the topic.
task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating more on both sides of the argument. This will show that you've considered the topic thoroughly and can evaluate different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides good structure and helps guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and answers the question directly, showing a good understanding of the task at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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