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Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to hard work when they are young. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#pressure #school #university #students #work #development
These days, in most developed countries,
students
 are increasingly challenged at educational institutions.
While
 some people view
this
 act as beneficial for the youth, I deeply believe that it does more harm to them. First and foremost, when kids are pushed to work hard at
school
, they learn to overcome adversity at a young age.
As a result
, they acquire fundamental life skills, which prove essential to achieving
further
 educational challenges.
For example
, if
school
 attendants are pushed when they are young, they develop inner strength and confidence,
therefore
 they believe they can succeed at every challenge imposed.
Consequently
, when these individuals become adults they already have a strong sense of purpose and
thus
 they achieve their goals much easier than their peers.
On the other hand
, I believe that putting increasing academic pressure on
students
 can leave many detrimental implications for their physical well-being.
In particular
, many young children have to suffer from fatigue and health deterioration when they are pushed to spend most of their time studying at
school
 and in extra classes on a daily basis.
In other words
, too much time is allocated to studying hard, which means that they are likely to lead a sedentary lifestyle without any chances to do physical activities regularly.
In addition
, with a tight study schedule, young children and university
students
 can be put at risk of mental health issues
such
 as stress and depression which are the main culprits of the increasing suicide rate.
This
 can be exemplified by the cases in some Asian countries
such
 as Korea and China where studying is very pressured
due to
 tough competitiveness with prestigious universities.
This
 leads many
students
 to make a desperate decision to end their own lives to escape from all the pressure.
To conclude
,
while
 some argue that it is a positive development that pupils be pushed to work harder when attending
school
, I strongly believe that it is more disadvantageous that they get pushed to become their best self in education.
Submitted by trungnh283 on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments by providing more specific and detailed examples. These examples should directly support your main ideas and themes.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, addressing potential benefits and drawbacks of increased academic pressure.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a well-rounded structure for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically organized, with each paragraph focusing on a clear and distinct aspect of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • job market
  • technological advancements
  • government policies
  • stress
  • workforce
  • work ethic
  • time-management skills
  • mental health
  • holistic development
  • peer pressure
  • extracurricular activities
  • parental expectations
  • performance metrics
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