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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the amount of financial aid that four countries received and the way the money was spent in 1974 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below show the amount of financial aid that four countries received and the way the money was spent in 1974 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#show #amount #aid #four #countries #money #information #features #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
chart and table
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
show examples
 the quantity of financial allowance which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 taken and spent by four countries in 1974 and 30
years
Use synonyms
 later.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1974 the biggest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 was spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 finances and the lowest
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 catering,
while
Linking Words
30
Change preposition
in 30
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 both of them got equal monetary support and
biggest
Add an article
the biggest
a biggest
show examples
 sum of
money
Use synonyms
 was given to medicine.
Also
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year
China
Use synonyms
, Indonesia, Thailand and South Africa received different amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 with
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
 spread in which
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
show examples
 part took
China
Use synonyms
 and
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
 sum took South Africa, meanwhile
30years
Correct your spelling
30 years
 earlier all for countries received
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 quantity of cash.
Firstly
Linking Words
,In 1974 for
“Catering”
Correct article usage
the “Catering”
show examples
 and “Finance” aspects were allocated
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 amount of cash 70
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and for
“Medicine”
Correct article usage
the “Medicine”
show examples
 section
allotted
Add a missing verb
was allotted
show examples
 10
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 more,
Whereas
Linking Words
 30
years
Use synonyms
 after that, for “
catering
Capitalize word
Catering
show examples
” was allocated
15million
Correct your spelling
15 million
, for “medicine” four times more and for “finance” aspect was given the most of sum 65millions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, In 1974 Indonesia received 55
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, which is 7
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 more than Thailand’s obtained cash. In
this
Linking Words
 year
China
Use synonyms
 took 62
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 which is
3millions
Correct your spelling
3 million
 less than South Africa’s gotten
money
Use synonyms
. After 30
years
Use synonyms
 the lowest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 allotted
Use synonyms
China
Change preposition
to China
show examples
 which is equal to 6000000. Thailand
gotten
Add the auxiliary verb
got
show examples
 3 times more than
China
Use synonyms
, Indonesia 5 times more and South Africa allocated 42000000.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, money, china, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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