It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

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Some adopt the view that it is pivotal for individuals to accept challenges, not only in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

but

their

Change preposition

in their

show examples

own lives as well.

Although

there are some certain drawbacks, the benefits are more significant. On the one hand, there are some downsides when people dare to

risk

Wrong verb form

risks

show examples

Firstly

, the loss of all

what

Correct word choice

that

show examples

they have is a consequence of

this

issue. Investors,

for example

, are willing to spend their budget on

stock

Add an article

the stock

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market, or start-up

company

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companies

show examples

, thereby becoming empty-handed if any risk.

Additionally

, failure will enable people to suffer from depression

Remove the comma

apply

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or mental instability.

This

may drag them down at the bottom, crushing them in the flurry of the won'ts, the can'ts, and the impossible.

Thus

this

will harm their own lives ,

as well as

their professions.

On the other hand

however

, there are

also

some

possitive

Correct your spelling

positive

impacts.

Initially

, it will lead to results beyond

expectation

Fix the agreement mistake

expectations

show examples

. Having said that, more and more people are becoming successful thanks to

this kind

Fix the agreement mistake

these kinds

show examples

of characteristics. Businessmen,

for instance

, can make a huge profit

due to

the fact that they are go-getters. Meanwhile, far more millennials find themselves compatible with various positions when they dare to jump out of their

comfor

Correct your spelling

comfort

zones.

Secondly

, accepting new challenges is more likely to think outside the box. Many discoveries, or inventions like vaccines, or smartphones, are the outcomes of those who are

courage

Replace the word

courageous enough

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to stop and start new ways from scratch. Without any challenge, there would be

such

breakthroughs

thesedays

Correct your spelling

these days

. In conclusion, even though there are still several drawbacks mentioned above, I strongly believe that the advantages of taking risks can overshadow

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

disadvantages.

Submitted by hongmien.n on Wed Jun 26 2024

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task achievement

Your essay comprehensively addresses the task prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional lives. However, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next can further augment coherence.

coherence cohesion

To further enhance clarity, try to avoid minor grammatical errors and ensure each point is articulated clearly. For instance, phrases like 'This may drag them down at the bottom' can be rephrased for better clarity.

task achievement

You provided a balanced view by addressing both the positive and negative aspects of taking risks.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument, which enhances the overall coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Q. Some people think its better to have friends that have same opinion, while others belive it is good having friends who sometimes have different opinion. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays many ecosystems in the world are experiencing problems because large predators are going extinct. Why is this a bad thing? What solution can governments implement to solve this problem?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?