Multi-cultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that multi-cultural
societies
bring more
benefits
than drawbacks,
while
others have opposite opinions. I am convinced by the reasonable stance of the former group, so I firmly agree that
this
type of society brings more
benefits
to locals. The foremost advantage is the social cohesion based on cultural diversity. Multicultural
societies
offer a rich tapestry of traditions, languages, and customs, fostering mutual respect and understanding among different groups.
While
, festivals, music, and art from various cultures
provides
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provide
show examples
opportunities for learning and appreciation. So, multicultural
societies
provide a more comprehensive awareness
about
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of
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the world because the general public can
exposure
Verb problem
be exposed
show examples
and see a specific problem within different ways of thinking.
As a result
, the population could recognize the beautiful, meaning and purpose of their cultural practices compared to other cultures.
Moreover
, individuals can interact with diverse groups in multicultural
societies
often
respect
Wrong verb form
respecting
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other
civilization
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civilizations
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and
break
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breaking
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down stereotypes, prejudices and
misunderstanding
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misunderstandings
show examples
, leading to a more tolerant and harmonious society. The additional factor is the economic
benefits
of cultural diversity. Immigrants and ethnic minorities bring a variety of skills that
increases
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increase
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productivity
due
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apply
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to enhance the
overall
skill
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skills
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of locals. They use and promote the economic potential based on local factors, which will enhance the fluency and efficiency of
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
.
Moreover
, they could enrich
an
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apply
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innovative solutions as they evaluate any problems under different aspects.
Hence
, they will promote import and export practices
due to
their diverse perspectives and understanding of different cultures. A comprehensive awareness
allow
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allows
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citizens with business
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
occupy a larger market and improve the well-being of their community by providing
a
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apply
show examples
quality products and services at a competitive price. (((
For example
, the
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Chinese
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chinese
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Chinese
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origin )))
However
, there are some potential issues in these communities. New immigrants may face difficulties in integrating into the host society,
such
as language barriers and
misunderstanding
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misunderstandings
show examples
.
Therefore
, new members could
shock
Wrong verb form
be shocked
show examples
or feel weird when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
first
exposure
Replace the word
exposed
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
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their lives. Differences in language, religion, and customs can sometimes lead to some intractable stereotypes and conflicts. In fact, only a minor dispute could provoke a conflict among two
religion
Replace the word
religious
show examples
members. The most outstanding issue in many nations is the ethnicity discrimination, especially in America.
Consequently
, governments have implemented policies that promote inclusivity, anti-discrimination laws, and programs to help immigrants integrate.
To conclude
,
while
there are potential challenges associated with multicultural
societies
,
such
as integration issues and cultural misunderstandings, the
benefits
far outweigh the drawbacks. The social cohesion, cultural enrichment, and economic advantages brought about by a diverse population enhance the
overall
well-being and prosperity of a nation.
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task achievement
The essay should include more specific examples to substantiate the points made. Specific cases or studies could improve the argument and provide clearer evidence.
task achievement
Ensure to proofread for minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles and singular/plural inconsistencies. This will help improve readability and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a more even tone by avoiding informal expressions. For example, rewriting 'locals' to 'citizens' or 'people of the country' could make the essay sound more formal and polished.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up and then summarizing the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-organized and logically presented. Each paragraph is focused on one main idea, which supports the overall argument.
task achievement
The writer demonstrates a clear understanding of how cultural diversity can benefit society economically and socially.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural diversity
  • economic prosperity
  • social cohesion
  • integration
  • cultural assimilation
  • ethnic diversity
  • cultural exchange
  • global influence
  • inclusive governance
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