Multi-cultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that multi-cultural
societies
bring more benefits
than drawbacks, while
others have opposite opinions. I am convinced by the reasonable stance of the former group, so I firmly agree that this
type of society brings more benefits
to locals.
The foremost advantage is the social cohesion based on cultural diversity. Multicultural societies
offer a rich tapestry of traditions, languages, and customs, fostering mutual respect and understanding among different groups. While
, festivals, music, and art from various cultures provides
opportunities for learning and appreciation. So, multicultural Change the verb form
provide
societies
provide a more comprehensive awareness about
the world because the general public can Change preposition
of
exposure
and see a specific problem within different ways of thinking. Verb problem
be exposed
As a result
, the population could recognize the beautiful, meaning and purpose of their cultural practices compared to other cultures. Moreover
, individuals can interact with diverse groups in multicultural societies
often respect
other Wrong verb form
respecting
civilization
and Fix the agreement mistake
civilizations
break
down stereotypes, prejudices and Wrong verb form
breaking
misunderstanding
, leading to a more tolerant and harmonious society.
The additional factor is the economic Fix the agreement mistake
misunderstandings
benefits
of cultural diversity. Immigrants and ethnic minorities bring a variety of skills that increases
productivity Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
due
to enhance the Change preposition
apply
overall
skill
of locals. They use and promote the economic potential based on local factors, which will enhance the fluency and efficiency of Fix the agreement mistake
skills
economy
. Add an article
the economy
an economy
Moreover
, they could enrich an
innovative solutions as they evaluate any problems under different aspects. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Hence
, they will promote import and export practices due to
their diverse perspectives and understanding of different cultures. A comprehensive awareness allow
citizens with business Change the verb form
allows
concious
occupy a larger market and improve the well-being of their community by providing Correct your spelling
conscious
a
quality products and services at a competitive price. ((( Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
For example
, the Change the capitalization
Chinese
chinese
origin )))
Change the capitalization
Chinese
However
, there are some potential issues in these communities. New immigrants may face difficulties in integrating into the host society, such
as language barriers and misunderstanding
. Fix the agreement mistake
misunderstandings
Therefore
, new members could shock
or feel weird when Wrong verb form
be shocked
the
first Correct your spelling
they
exposure
Replace the word
exposed
in
their lives. Differences in language, religion, and customs can sometimes lead to some intractable stereotypes and conflicts. In fact, only a minor dispute could provoke a conflict among two Change preposition
to
religion
members. The most outstanding issue in many nations is the ethnicity discrimination, especially in America. Replace the word
religious
Consequently
, governments have implemented policies that promote inclusivity, anti-discrimination laws, and programs to help immigrants integrate.
To conclude
, while
there are potential challenges associated with multicultural societies
, such
as integration issues and cultural misunderstandings, the benefits
far outweigh the drawbacks. The social cohesion, cultural enrichment, and economic advantages brought about by a diverse population enhance the overall
well-being and prosperity of a nation.Submitted by lenam2k1 on
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task achievement
The essay should include more specific examples to substantiate the points made. Specific cases or studies could improve the argument and provide clearer evidence.
task achievement
Ensure to proofread for minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles and singular/plural inconsistencies. This will help improve readability and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a more even tone by avoiding informal expressions. For example, rewriting 'locals' to 'citizens' or 'people of the country' could make the essay sound more formal and polished.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up and then summarizing the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-organized and logically presented. Each paragraph is focused on one main idea, which supports the overall argument.
task achievement
The writer demonstrates a clear understanding of how cultural diversity can benefit society economically and socially.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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